Hour by Hour
by Sedentary Wordsmith
Summary: Kaoru hates the sunrise. Each new day is just another reminder of how much less likely it is that he'll ever get out of here alive. Warning: dark. Rape, torture.
1. Prologue

WARNING! This story will be very dark and potentially triggery. (Further warnings to follow in the chapters they apply to.) It's darker than anything I've written before, so if you're looking for something light and fun, this is not the place. This is in no way related to my other Ouran fic, which some of you may be disappointed about, so I'm sorry.

This is just a super short prologue to get things started. Chapter 1 to follow soon!

**Hour by Hour**

**Prologue**

Surprise briefly colors Hikaru's face as he opens the bedroom door to find Kaoru out of bed and standing in front of the large picture window. He watches the early morning sun creeping over the treetops, his hands clasped serenely behind his back, his face blank.

"Kaoru, you're up. Are you…feeling better today?" Hikaru asks, a small feeling of hope daring to bloom within him.

Kaoru turns to face him, his old smile stretching his lips. It's been so long since Hikaru has seen that smile, and he steadfastly chooses to ignore the way that his little brother's eyes are deader than ever. It's just a trick of the light.

"Yes, I'm feeling much better now."

Hikaru's eyes skim over the stark white bandages, wrapped around Kaoru's neck and peeking out from under his clothes, as he smiles broadly in relief. "I'm glad. I was worried about you, you know. I still am, of course, but if you say you're doing better, then that's good."

Kaoru's smile takes on a plastic quality about the edges, but his eyes don't change. "I was thinking that we could spend the day together, just the two of us. You and me against everyone else, just like how it used to be."

Hikaru's smile turns gentle as he steps up beside his brother, carefully taking Kaoru's hand in his. They had been making progress in expanding their world beyond just the two of them, but if this is what it takes to get his brother back in any form, then the rest of the world can burn. "Yeah. I'd like that very much."

Late that night, Kaoru sits alone at his writing desk as Hikaru sleeps in another room. The pen wavers in his tightly clenched fist, blotting the otherwise empty paper beneath it. He presses his other hand tightly over his eyes for just a moment, smothering the tears before they can form. He knows all the words he wants to say, but none of them will come out quite right.

_(I'm not brave enough after all.)_

_(Please don't blame yourself.)_

_(None of it was your fault.)_

_(I love you, Hikaru.)_

In the end, he settles on just two.

_(I'm sorry.)_


	2. Chapter 1

Warnings for general creepiness.

**Hour by Hour**

**Chapter 1**

His mouth feels as though he's been eating cotton balls, and it is ultimately this feeling that at last dredges his consciousness back to the surface.

His head is full of fuzz and his body feels heavy and sluggish, his eyelids straining to blink open. It takes a moment to register the unfamiliar wall before his face and he struggles to remember where he is or why he was asleep in the first place. All his memories seem jumbled and just out of reach, and the cotton feeling on his tongue is only distracting him.

On instinct, he reaches blindly for someone who should always be beside him, but his search comes up empty. Where—?

_Ah, that's right,_ his mind returns dully. He'd sent Hikaru on ahead with Haruhi, claiming that he needed to stay behind in the library for a while under the pretext of extra research for a project. Hikaru hadn't seemed too put out, not even noticing he'd been set up as he left his brother behind, laughing and chatting animatedly with Haruhi as they left the school.

But if Kaoru had stayed behind at the school, then how did he get here? And where is "here," anyway? The thought forces his vision into focus and he can at last feel the fuzz start to disperse.

Confusion seeps in as he drags his head around to observe an unfamiliar room. It's small and the wooden walls are dingy and the single light bulb dull, and the only object in the room is the old bed he suddenly realizes he's lying on. He quickly attempts to sit up, but is stopped by a jarring pull on his left wrist.

True panic starts to set in as he finds his wrist handcuffed to the heavy iron bars of the bed's headboard. He immediately attacks it with his free right hand, pulling and scratching, but only succeeds in making a ruckus as it jangles against the bars. Kaoru doesn't know where he is, but this is way too far for some sort of prank, and unfortunately, that doesn't leave very many good options.

"Hello, beautiful."

The sudden voice makes him startle so badly that the bed jumps beneath him and the handcuff clatters against the bars. Kaoru whips his head around to the doorway to find the source of the voice.

The man is taller than he is and a bit more built, with stringy black hair loosely swept back around his head. He can't be older than his early thirties or perhaps late twenties, and is dressed in just a loose white undershirt and black slacks. For the first time, Kaoru suddenly becomes aware that his own school blazer, tie, shirt, belt, and shoes are gone, a realization that makes him less than comfortable. The man is watching him intently with a keen look in his black eyes that makes Kaoru edge away in unease.

All he can think is that it can't be a good sign that the man has let him see his face.

"I'm sorry about having to restrain you, my dear," the man says, and Kaoru realizes that he has been tugging subconsciously on the handcuff for a while now. "I just didn't want you to be scared when you woke up and try to run away." The man starts walking toward him, hand outstretched. "But if you're good and promise not to run away, I don't see why we need to keep the ugly thing on."

Kaoru realizes that the man's hand is reaching for his face, not the handcuff, and angrily slaps it away. "Stay away! Don't touch me!"

The man looks surprised and a little hurt. "I'm not going to hurt you, love," he says, reaching forward again. He catches the kick that Kaoru aims at him, gently squeezing the ankle and running his fingers up the slender calf.

Kaoru yanks himself away, skittering back to press himself against the headboard, as far away from the man as possible. It's not nearly far enough. "W-Who are you? What do you want? If it's ransom—"

The man cuts him off with an eerie smile that sends shivers down his spine. "No, sweet. Don't you see? I already have everything I want right here."

oOoOo

Hikaru is practically skipping as he throws open the front door of the mansion and lets it slam carelessly behind him. He tosses off his shoes for a maid to pick up and nearly floats up the staircase.

The afternoon with Haruhi was perfect. He had never known that spending hours not even really _doing_ anything but talking with someone could be so much fun. The time had flown by until suddenly it was evening and Haruhi had suggested that they each go home to work on the night's homework before it got too late. Hikaru had hesitantly agreed and given her a ride home before returning himself. Kaoru would be proud of him for being such a considerate gentleman.

He brushes open the door to their bedroom and skips over to their desk, throwing his school bag on the floor and starting to chatter as he shrugs off his blazer. "I had such a great time with Haruhi today, Kaoru. She's such a great girl. I took her to that little café downtown that we love—you know the one—and we had some coffee and cakes and really just talked for hours and it was so—"

He abruptly stops talking in the midst of loosening his tie when he glances up and realizes that Kaoru is not sitting on the bed listening to him. A quick scan of the room shows that he isn't there at all, making Hikaru just a bit put out. There weren't very many instances where one twin would come home without the other, so he doesn't have very much experience in this area, but he had figured that Kaoru would be waiting for him in the bedroom, since that's what he himself would have done. Was he still at the library? Hikaru hadn't been paying too much attention as his twin had chattered about some project or other that he needed to work on, but surely it couldn't be taking this long?

He wanders back downstairs, absently meandering through the more commonly used rooms of the giant house, looking for Kaoru, until he winds up in the kitchen. He's hungry but doesn't really want to eat dinner without Kaoru, so he grabs himself a snack instead. "Have you seen Kaoru around?" he asks a passing maid as he munches on his toast with syrup.

The maid bows and replies, "I'm sorry, Hikaru-sama. I have not seen Kaoru-sama since you both left for school this morning."

Hikaru frowns in annoyance and wipes his sticky fingers on his pants as he trudges back upstairs to their room. So Kaoru's still at the library, then. Overachiever. He eyes his bookbag with a measure of distaste, wondering if he should get started on his homework, but Kaoru and he have always done their homework together, and the thought of tackling his English and literature problems by himself is enough to dissuade him.

He flops down on the oversized bed, figuring that a short nap won't hurt. Once Kaoru gets home and wakes him up, they can work on it together.

oOoOo

There's a small, boarded-up window on the wall opposite his bed. Kaoru thinks that if he can just manage to get his hand free, he would be able to pry off a couple of the boards, break the glass, and slip through. It's really just a matter of freeing himself from the cuff around his wrist. The bars of the headboard are too thick and solid to break, however, and his wrist would be sooner to snap than the handcuffs would break. He tries squeezing his hand through the cuff, but somehow only manages to make it close even tighter around him.

When his skin begins chafing and his wrist bones aching, he decides to rest from trying to get free and take a better inventory of the room. The man had left him alone again, giving him "time to calm down," which Kaoru would have scoffed at had he not been entirely petrified.

He takes a few deep, calming breaths, allowing rationale to overpower the terror, but no solution seems forthcoming. The room is completely bare save for the warped wooden door, the rickety bed he's sitting on, and the boarded-up window, which might as well be in Fiji for all that he can reach it. His options are few that he can count. If he can't get free of the handcuff and sneak out, then either he must somehow overpower his captor and hope he has the key somewhere on his person (doubtful), shout for help and hope someone hears him (unlikely), or talk his way out and hope the man lets him go of his own accord (improbable).

Kaoru glares at the dust motes dancing in the narrow shafts of light peeping through the cracks between the boards on the window. Judging by the color and angle of the light, it's already late evening, nearing night. Hikaru should probably be getting home some time soon, unless he managed to talk Haruhi into letting him eat dinner at her house. Either way, it shouldn't be too much longer now before Hikaru notices that he hasn't made it home and begins to get worried.

But even if Hikaru did already notice, and did already figure out something is wrong, and did already raise the alarm, and everyone is already searching for him, how would they even be able to find him? His phone is not in his pocket, probably long gone and smashed to pieces in an alley somewhere. And he doubts that his kidnapper would be stupid enough to linger around the school—this hovel certainly doesn't look like it belongs to any neighborhood that Kaoru's ever been.

As he systematically sorts through and discards his chances of escape and rescue one by one, Kaoru feels the small bloom of hope in his chest begin to wither. He knows it's much too soon to give up already; after all, he doesn't even really know what the man wants with him. (He stubbornly refuses to acknowledge the small voice in his head telling him, yes, he does know.) Maybe the man only wants ransom after all, and has already contacted his parents and made arrangements, and at any time now he'll come back in and say that he's received the money and that Kaoru's free to go now.

He chokes back the desperate lump in his throat and goes back to trying to break free.

oOoOo

Hikaru dreams of Kaoru, an unpleasant dream that wakes him and leaves him feeling uneasy but unable to remember any details. Out of habit, he rolls over to look at Kaoru's side of the bed, but his brother isn't there and the sheets remain unwrinkled from where the maids tucked them that morning. He spares a brief glance out the window; night has fallen completely, the sun long set. He gropes for his phone and checks the time—already past midnight. He's napped longer than he intended, figuring that Kaoru would wake him when he got home.

He rolls out of bed, idly pocketing his phone as he goes to search the house again for his brother. It's possible that Kaoru got home and found his twin sleeping and decided to let him stay asleep. Hikaru is only a little miffed at this thought; after all, if Kaoru has done all of his homework without him, then he'll just get to copy all of his little brother's answers without doing the work.

Hikaru's expectations of finding Kaoru begin to fade with each unlighted room he searches. His shoes are not by the door, his bookbag is not by their desk, there's no sign of his blazer lying around anywhere. Their driver is already asleep in the servants' quarters, so he can't even ask him if Kaoru called and requested a ride anywhere.

Stopping by a large floor-length window in the corridor between the living room and parlor, he fishes out his phone and hits the speed dial for Kaoru, an instance which he's very rarely had to perform. The call goes straight to voicemail, however, and he hangs up in frustration without leaving a message. He calls back again with the same result.

Starting to feel a little more unnerved by this point but not knowing what else to do, he returns to their room to at least get a start on their homework. He's probably just overreacting, after all, and Kaoru will laugh at him for his worry once he gets back. He probably just lost track of time at the library and had to walk back home. And forgot to turn his phone back on after leaving the library.

Hikaru stares at a random page of his textbook without seeing it for about three minutes before he slams it closed and stands abruptly. Losing track of time and forgetting to call isn't something Kaoru would do, and the school has been closed for hours. Kaoru would have called if he had decided to go over to one of their friends' houses, but Hikaru decides to call them all anyway, regardless of what time it is. He can only hope that one of them knows where his brother is, because if they don't, he doesn't know what he'll do.

Mori and Honey answer drowsily, being early sleepers, but deny any knowledge of Kaoru's whereabouts. Tamaki is almost entirely asleep, but assures him through a yawn that Kaoru probably just got lost on the way back and will be home soon. He falls back asleep before saying goodbye and Hikaru has to hang up on him. He already knows that Haruhi doesn't know anything, having been with her all evening, and that leaves just Kyouya. With some trepidation, he dials the Shadow King's number, only hoping that he'll be spared long enough to find Kaoru first.

To his immense relief, Kyouya is still awake and answers his questions pleasantly enough. But he doesn't have any information on Kaoru, either, and Hikaru can feel his last hopes begin to fade, panic rising up in its place. He must make some despairing sound that he's not even aware of, because Kyouya asks, "Why? Is something wrong?"

Hikaru doesn't want to say it out loud, doesn't want to give voice to his paranoia, because then he's afraid that it will be true. But this is Kyouya, and he's fast running out of other options. "I—I don't know. I think Kaoru's missing. I'm afraid something may have happened to him."

oOoOo

Kaoru is trying to see if there's any way he can take the bed frame apart (he'll drag the entire headboard out with him if he has to) when the man returns, bearing a tray of food.

"You must be hungry, love," he says, and whatever hunger Kaoru may have been feeling is washed away by revulsion and fear.

"I'd rather starve," he returns icily.

The man doesn't look upset, merely gently chiding as he sets the tray beside the boy on the bed. "Now, don't say that, pretty. You need to eat to keep up your strength. You're going to be here with me for a very long time. And besides, tonight is a very special night for us. You'll need your energy."

Kaoru has even less inclination to eat now, rather struggling to keep down whatever remains in his stomach from his school lunch. The man is watching him closely with bright, eager eyes that make Kaoru wish he had more clothes on and were anywhere else other than chained to a bed. He can tell that the man is waiting for him to eat, so in an effort just to make those eyes go away, he turns to examine the contents of the tray.

There's a very small loaf of bread about the size of a dinner roll, a cup of water, and a blob of pink meat that looks as though it came out of a can. Kaoru eagerly drinks the water, glad to at last be rid of the cottony taste in his mouth, but he steers away from the questionable meat. Instead, he takes the coarse bread and picks off tiny shreds of it until the man seems satisfied. He gives Kaoru a bright, crooked smile before departing again with a promise to return later, and Kaoru immediately throws the bread down, feeling ill.

As near as he can figure it, he must have been drugged and taken directly from school. That would certainly explain the memory gap and the weighty feeling upon awakening, as well as the lack of any bumps on his head. But how had the man managed to take him directly from school? The last Kaoru remembers, he actually was in the library doing some extra studying while Hikaru went off with Haruhi. Ouran is a school that places the safety of its students as a top priority—necessary since so many of them come from such high-profile families. There has to be a security system and cameras everywhere. How had no one seen him be attacked and dragged out of the school in broad daylight? For that matter, how did the man even get into the school in the first place?

Kaoru shakes his head to clear it of such unhelpful thoughts. How he got into this mess isn't what matters right now. His only priority is escaping before the man returns and…does whatever he's planning on doing to him. At the return of that thought, Kaoru feels a desperate sob trying to claw its way out of his throat, but he swallows it back down. No matter what, he won't let that happen.

The skin around his left wrist is an angry red and chafed so badly it's almost bleeding, but he ignores it. He'll break every bone in his hand if he has to in order to escape. And right now it doesn't look as though he has very many other options left.


	3. Chapter 2

WARNING: This chapter contains rape, which may be triggery for some. It's not explicit and I tried to gloss over some of the more graphic details, but if this subject matter makes you uncomfortable, I suggest you turn back now or try to skim over that part when it comes up.

Please heed the warning.

**Hour by Hour**

**Chapter 2**

Night descends on the room like a heavy blanket and Kaoru can only be angry at himself for the lack of progress he's made toward escaping. Kicking at the base of the headboard in the hopes of loosening it from the rest of the bedframe only resulted in jarring his ankle and further straining his left wrist. Small drops of blood splash down onto the bare mattress beneath and Kaoru can only be angry, because if he doesn't choose anger, then the creeping panic and terror will take over instead, and no problem was ever solved by giving in to either of those.

He clutches his left wrist tightly with his right hand to stop the sluggish bleeding, the pain giving his mind something else to concentrate on. He has to get out of here. Hikaru. If only he could get some sort of message to Hikaru. He's positive that his twin must have realized by now that something is wrong, but that knowledge alone is of little use. Kaoru squeezes his eyes shut, concentrating with all of his might on sending a message to his brother. If there has ever been any truth to all that identical-twin-telepathic-connection hocus pocus, now would be a great time for it to start working.

He's been concentrating as hard as he can on Hikaru and relating his predicament to him for several minutes before it occurs to him that even if it did work, even that wouldn't do much good because even he doesn't know where he's being held. The thought breaks his concentration completely and he thinks how silly he is for putting all his last-ditch hopes in such a ridiculous plan. He tries to laugh at himself but only a strangled sob comes out.

Kaoru allows himself a few minutes to regather, then scrubs his free arm across his face and sits up straighter. A grim frown twists his lips. If he can't escape before the man returns, then his only option is to fight. Luckily, the man was kind enough to leave him with some sort of weapons. At least, better than the nothing he'd had before.

Kaoru dumps the suspicious pink blob of meat off the tray and onto the floor, where it lands with a disgusting squelch. He ignores it, testing the strength of the tray in his hands. It's neither very durable nor heavy, something that could probably be found in the commoner public school cafeterias, he supposes. Not much more can be said for the plastic cup that held his water, either. Still, they might be of some use to at least stun the man if Kaoru can smash them over his head hard enough, thereby giving him at least a momentary advantage. He doesn't have much, so he's willing to use anything he can. He slides the tray carefully out of sight under the edge of the bed, the cup right next to it, where hopefully his right hand will be easily able to reach them later.

That matter settled, Kaoru doesn't know what else to do until the man returns but he doesn't want to just sit still and await his fate, giving his thought free time to roam. So he takes up the limited slack of the handcuff chain with his right hand and begins rubbing it against the iron bar with all of his might. Maybe if he does this for long enough, the links will wear down enough for him to be able to snap them.

Kaoru doesn't know how much time passes like this until the man returns; all he knows is that his fingers are red and aching and it hasn't made one bit of difference. Neither the chain nor the bar show any sign even of scratching.

The look on the man's face when his eyes alight on him is eager and Kaoru forgets his earlier resolution not to let fear overcome him. "Hello, my sweet. I missed you. I've been thinking about you all day. But now it's finally time for our special time together. Are you excited?"

A whimper falls from Kaoru's lips unattended and he's again tugging uselessly at the restraint around his wrist, only causing more drops of blood to fall.

"Don't be nervous, my darling. Look what you've done to yourself," the man says, sickeningly gentle as he reaches for the boy's wrist.

Kaoru's voice is unloosed and he pulls away as he shouts, "Don't touch me! Just leave me alone! Let me go!"

The look in the man's eyes as he chuckles makes Kaoru freeze, and he can feel any last hope of ransom or release draining away. They're the eyes of a madman. "Don't be silly. You're going to love it, dear." The man reaches for him again and now the struggle begins in earnest. Kaoru aims a punch at him but he just leans out of reach; he kicks out, but the man catches his feet and pins them down on the bed.

In desperation, he reaches for his only weapon and swings the tray down as hard as he can onto the man's head. The connection makes a loud noise but ultimately only serves to surprise the man. He sits back on the end of the bed, calmly observing the panting boy before him.

"I had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but you seem set on making things difficult," he says and draws a length of rope from his pocket. Kaoru's eyes widen when he sees it. No. If his other hand is bound as well, he has even less chance of fighting or getting free.

The man reaches for his right hand and Kaoru lashes out, clawing, biting, punching, and kicking anything within reach. In vain. The man is both bigger and stronger than he is, and manages to wrestle him down until his right wrist is securely fastened to the iron bars with an uncomfortably tight knot, leaving him prone.

Even so, Kaoru isn't willing to give up the fight yet, and screams as loudly as he can as he thrashes about, kicking out wildly. There's a swift sting in his cheek and suddenly he finds himself looking through blurred darkness, a sharp ringing in his ears. It's a long, immeasurable moment before he's able to come back to himself, and he realizes that the man must have hit him hard enough to make his head ricochet rather harshly off the iron bars of the headboard behind him. He turns his head with a groan and imagines he can feel the pieces of his skull shift. His stomach rolls unpleasantly.

Only movements down below manage to drag him back to reality and he suddenly becomes aware that the man has already removed his pants and is now working on dragging down his underwear. A stab of panic forces the pain in his head to the background as he concentrates on lashing out again. However, his kicks are feeble and the man easily subdues them, tugging off Kaoru's underwear in the same movement before unbuttoning his own pants. Kaoru begins to feel true terror, fear as he's never known it before, crashing through his system.

The man positions himself between his legs as he gently wipes away the stream of tears Kaoru hadn't even been aware he was crying. "Shh, my love, shh. It's all right. Don't worry. I won't hurt you. I promise."

He lied.

Pain tears through Kaoru all at once, ripping up his spine and shooting through his limbs as he's violated harshly. His insides are being burned and shredded and his very bones are searing at the agony of it. He can't help the fractured scream that tears from his throat.

His fists clench around the bars they're tied to and his eyes squeeze shut against the sight above him. He desperately wishes to be somewhere, anywhere, other than in this place at this time. He's still fighting feebly, thrashing beneath the man and trying to force him off, out, _away_, but his efforts are useless and the man only groans louder in response.

Kaoru doesn't know how much time passes in his misery, but it seems longer than all the years of his life thus far before the man finally stops moving, shuddering deeply before withdrawing at last. He's silent for a long moment as Kaoru merely stares blankly at the wall beside him, unable to bear the thought of looking into that face and seeing the expression there.

The man eventually leaves without a word, and Kaoru's eyes slip shut in revulsion and disgust—at himself, at the man who did this to him, at the whole messed up situation. Why did this even happen to him? What did he ever do to deserve something like this?

Kaoru can feel the filth festering inside him, tainting him and rotting his flesh from the inside out. Angry tears leak out and splash onto the dirty mattress below, and he knows that even if he does somehow make it back home alive, nothing will ever be the same.

oOoOo

Hikaru paces anxiously behind Kyouya as the older boy addresses his police force, instructing them on the impending search. He hates how clinical the black-haired boy sounds about it all, the tone grating on his agitated nerves.

"The target was last seen at Ouran High School, so that is where we will begin our search. You will first secure the perimeter and then follow your commander's instructions for infiltration. It's the middle of the night—" here Kyouya casts a fleeting glance at Hikaru, which the younger boy is entirely oblivious to— "so the school has been closed for hours and there shouldn't be any other students or faculty present. Ouran does employ a private security service after hours, so I'll be addressing them upon our arrival at the school.

"If you do find the target, radio your superior immediately. If there is anyone else with him, you are to assess the situation and secure a perimeter before calling in. You've all been trained in hostage rescue, so I trust you know what to do if the situation calls for it." He takes a moment to look them in the eye before dismissing them to gather the rest of their gear and load into their vehicles.

"Why are you waiting until we get to the school to talk to the security?" Hikaru demands. "Wouldn't it be faster to call them from here so they know we're coming?" The thought of any delay in finding his brother chafes at him.

Kyouya looks him directly in the eye, letting him know he's taking this seriously. "If something has happened to Kaoru, and it happened at Ouran, then the chances of someone actually getting away with it are minimal…unless it was an inside job." He watches as understanding begins to dawn in Hikaru's eyes. "If there's even a chance that's the case, I'd prefer to show up unannounced and see what we can dig up that way, rather than giving them any warning that we're coming. It's a slim chance at best, but I'd rather have all our bases covered from the beginning."

Hikaru is both awed by and grateful for all the thought that Kyouya has already put into this. If it were up to him, he would have just run right into the school, unprepared for whatever might await him. Once Kaoru is back safe and sound, they'll have to start treating Kyouya-senpai with a lot more respect.

Despite the necessity of proper preparation, Hikaru is itching to be doing something already, and is relieved when they're finally on their way a surprisingly short time later. The Ootori private police force is certainly an impressive organization, and the thought gives him hope.

A small part of him wonders if he's just being paranoid and they'll arrive at the school only to find Kaoru fast asleep on a pile of books in the library. He would be relieved, but Kyouya would be furious and Kaoru would be both embarrassed and annoyed at his twin for overreacting so drastically. They would definitely have to make it up to Kyouya somehow, but Hikaru wouldn't even care once he had Kaoru safely back by his side. He comforts himself with this thought on the ride to the school, fearing to think of any alternative.

The towering structures of Ouran loom up suddenly out of the darkness as they draw nearer, and Hikaru can feel dread and anxiety bubble up within him. One way or another, his questions will be answered by whatever is inside those walls. Either he'll go home and spend the rest of the night with his brother wrapped in his arms, or… Actually, Hikaru doesn't really know what he'll do if they don't find Kaoru inside. Have a breakdown, maybe. Scream and throw things and order Kyouya's police to find his baby brother and kill whomever took him.

The entourage pulls up to the front gate and the driver of the lead vehicle speaks to the guard posted there. It seems to take an eternity and Hikaru is fidgeting in his seat, contemplating jumping out of the car and running in by himself, before they're finally let through. Then there's a flurry of movement all around as the force breaks up to assume their various positions and everyone scrambles from the cars and Kyouya is already talking to someone whom Hikaru can only assume is in charge of Ouran's security. He wavers behind the older boy for a bit, uncertain if he can enter the building and begin his own search, but before he can decide, Kyouya has already finished speaking and is taking his arm to lead him inside.

Hikaru can see no sign of the Ootori police besides the two flanking them, but they must work fast if they've already cleared this section of hallway as Kyouya leads him in the direction of the library wing. He jumps when the officer next to him suddenly speaks, addressing Kyouya.

"Library One has been cleared, sir. No sign."

Hikaru wonders how the man knows this already before he sees the earpiece he's wearing. Of course, communication would be key in an operation like this. The grim line of Kyouya's mouth tightens a bit at the news as the small group continues through the enormous school. They receive frequent updates on various rooms and areas being cleared with no sign of Kaoru and Hikaru can feel his stomach twisting into knots. He isn't sure whether this is good news or bad news.

"Sir. They've found something of interest in Library Four," the officer informs suddenly. "They're requesting your—"

Hikaru doesn't wait around to hear the rest. He's flying toward the fourth library before he even registers it, bursting through the doors and ignoring the large guns that are suddenly trained on him. The police in the room immediately lower their weapons, and one points him toward the back corner. "This way, sir."

Hikaru shoves past him, hoping beyond hope that it'll be Kaoru he sees when he rounds the final bookshelf, but he already knows it won't be. He's right. His stomach drops out of his body and his feet seem frozen to the floor as he takes in the sight before him.

Kaoru's bookbag lies innocuously on one of the round study tables, notebooks, papers, and library books spread around it. The chair behind the table is tipped over and a textbook has been knocked open to the floor, bending the pages beneath it. Hikaru knows what this means. Kaoru was here. And he did not leave of his own volition.

His worst fears confirmed, Hikaru doesn't act out any of the scenarios he thought he might have. No screaming, no throwing things. Instead, he turns silently to Kyouya, who has come up beside him and is surveying the foreboding scene, and lets his eyes do the pleading for him. Before the other can even comment, however, they're interrupted by another of the officers nearby.

"The entire building has been cleared, sir, but there's something in the surveillance room you should see."

"Very well," Kyouya replies grimly and this time Hikaru doesn't take off running, merely following the other boy numbly out of the library.

Hikaru is lost in thought as they walk. There might still be some small shred of hope. The evidence is convincing, certainly, but not entirely conclusive. There could be any number of reasons to explain why Kaoru might suddenly leave the library without taking any of his schoolwork with him, and then not return home, and turn his cell phone off. Maybe he just got so tired that he forgot his bag and decided to walk home but…fell asleep somewhere along the way. And broke his phone when he dropped it in his exhausted state.

Hikaru nearly stops in his tracks when a sudden thought occurs to him. Their parents. How is he going to tell their parents? For that matter, exactly _what_ is he going to tell them? Their father is currently on the other end of the country, attending an IT seminar where he's the keynote speaker, and their mother is in some European capital, putting on a show for her new line. Neither of them would be able to drop everything and make it back very quickly. And what could they do once they did return? Not much more than what Hikaru can manage without them. He already has his own social network connections, as well as the best police force available working with him.

Before he can come to a decision, they've arrived at the surveillance room with walls of colored video screens that show live feed from all the cameras in the school. Most display still scenes of darkened classrooms or hallways, though Ootori police officers flit through a few of them. The officer in the room directs their attention to one of the screens, and the video showing on it has Hikaru's heart skip a beat before it starts crashing in his ears.

The label beneath the video monitor declares it to be a feed of Library Four, and plainly shows Kaoru sitting behind the round table, reading from a textbook and occasionally making a note on a piece of paper beside it. Hikaru feels his jaw drop and is halfway out the door to return to the library when Kyouya commands him to wait and he remembers the very different scene that he just saw in Library Four.

Kyouya is standing with one arm crossed under the other, a finger to his lips as he scrutinizes the video before him. After a long moment, he points at it. "There. You can see the jump where the loop begins again. It's decently done for what was probably a rush job."

"What…What does this mean?" Hikaru asks, back in the room and unable to take his eyes off of his brother's bored face, resting his chin in his hand as he idly turns a page. Entirely unaware of what's about to happen to him.

"It means that it was an inside job," Kyouya tells him flatly. "It must be someone who works in security. He saw Kaoru in the library alone after hours and took his opportunity. And then he set the video footage to loop so the camera wouldn't catch his face or record the act. That would also explain how he managed to sneak your brother out of here unnoticed. He probably knows all of the back ways and maintenance doors that the students aren't allowed to use."

He pauses a moment, contemplating. "Who knows, it's even possible that he got the job for this very reason. He could have been following Kaoru for months, waiting for his chance to catch him alone. And he finally found it." He gestures to the screen.

Hikaru feels as if he's been punched in the gut. Kyouya might as well have just told him straight out that this is all his fault. The idea of his brother—his baby brother—tied up and defenseless, frightened and all alone, being subjected to unknown horrors at the hands of some stalker, is almost too much for him to bear. And the thought that it's all his fault…

Hikaru can feel the tears begin to well up in his wide eyes but doesn't bother to wipe them away as he implores, "Please, Kyouya… Please. We have to find him. You have to do everything…Please. We have to find him before anything bad can happen to him."

oOoOo

TBC. Review unto others as you would have them review unto you.


	4. Chapter 3

I know people are reading this and adding it to their favs/alerts, etc., so if you're enjoying this story, please PLEASE leave a review and let me know what you think. (It doesn't have to be a very long one…) I had a hard enough time just deciding to post this in the first place, so if no one likes it that much, then I don't really see a reason to continue posting it here. (puppy dog eyes) Please?

Warnings: rape and aftermath, abuse, torture. Please do not read if any of this bothers you.

**Hour by Hour**

**Chapter 3**

By the time morning arrives, hazy pink light filtering through the cracks between the boards over the window, Kaoru's tears have ceased but his eyes are shadowed and he has not slept for even a moment all night. He spends all his energy ignoring the dried blood between his legs and concentrating instead on the short length of rope binding his right hand to the headboard.

The knots are painfully tight, constricting his range of motion even more than the much-hated handcuff, and the rough weave bites into his skin. He can't reach it at all with his left hand, and his right will only bend far enough to uselessly graze the knot with the tips of his fingers, but he hasn't given up hope yet. In fact, the presence of the rope might even prove to be a blessing in disguise. If he can just find some way to get free of it, then that's another weapon he'll have at hand. If he could somehow lure him close enough, he might be able to wrap the rope around the man's neck and strangle him to at least unconsciousness.

And then after that… Well, one step at a time. Getting free comes first.

Unfortunately, though, he's made no progress at all by breakfast time, which is a tumultuous affair. Kaoru whimpers and cringes away from the first sight of the man, surprised at the overwhelming surge of emotions his presence evokes. The man brings another tray of plain food: another cup of water, a piece of toast, and a small bowl of some brown dry cereal. Since both of the boy's hands are tied, the man takes it upon himself to feed him, an idea of which Kaoru does not approve.

He balks at the man drawing within touching distance again, memories from last night rising up unbidden and causing the tears to spill afresh. He kicks out, knocking the tray from the man's hands and spilling food everywhere. Kaoru doesn't care. He'll never eat again. He's not even sorry to see the water splash onto the floor, though his throat begs for relief, cracked and aching still from screaming. If it's a choice between dying of thirst and having to submit to drinking from the man's hands, he'd rather die.

The man looks vaguely disappointed in Kaoru's actions, gazing down at the spilled food for a while before suddenly striking out, slapping Kaoru across the face. The action is so unexpected that Kaoru can only stare up at him in shock as his cheek reddens. Even the man seems a bit surprised at himself, glancing down at his hand for a moment before admonishing simply, "You shouldn't waste food, pet."

oOoOo

Hikaru stares blankly down at the cell phone lying innocently in his hand. After the search of Ouran last night, the Ootori police force had split up, a few remaining at the school to scour for more clues, the bulk going off to investigate who-knows-where, and a small squad accompanying Hikaru and Kyouya back to the Hitachiin mansion for the dual purpose of protection and setting up a base of operations. They had tapped all the phones lines in the house, setting up tracing equipment to be prepared in case the kidnapper should make contact.

Kyouya had spent the remainder of the night at the Hitachiin mansion as well, to be ready in case something happened in the night. Upon request, Hikaru showed him to the best computer in the house, his father's personal desktop in his study. Kyouya had spent the majority of his time in there, typing away, and Hikaru can only guess what he's doing.

Now, though, he has bigger concerns. He had decided after last night that his parents needed to be informed of the situation. With so many policemen buzzing around the house, and no sign of Kaoru for the past day, it won't take long for one of the servants to put two and two together. His parents would be finding out either way; it's better if he's the one to tell them. The problem is just that he has no idea how.

Taking a deep breath, he dials both their numbers for a conference call, figuring that it'll at least be easier to get it over with all at once. They both pick up fairly quickly, since it's a rare occurrence for either of their sons to call them abroad.

"Hikaru, darling, what is it?" his mother starts in right away, and there's the chatter of many voices talking around her. "You know I always love hearing from you boys, but I'm actually extremely busy at the moment—"

"Oh, Yuzuha, you're here too?" his father cuts in from the other line, and Hikaru can hear the surprise in his voice.

"Oh. Hello, darling! How is your seminar going?"

"Very well. I'm scheduled to give my speech this evening, and that will determine whether or not we can convince the board to expand our—"

Hikaru cannot stand to listen to these mundane topics for one more second when there's a much more serious issue at hand. "Mom, Dad. Something's happened."

His parents are silent for a moment, no doubt analyzing the tense tone of his voice. As always, his mother is the first to cut to the chase. "Did something happen to Kaoru? Is he hurt? He got hurt sliding down the banister, didn't he? I've been telling you two for years not to slide down the banister, that one of these days one of you would fly off and crack your head open, but you never listen to—"

Hikaru can feel a lump rising in his throat at the domestic scenario. He only wishes it were something as easy. "No. It's nothing like that. I mean, it is. I mean, yes, something has happened to Kaoru, but no, he's not hurt. Maybe. I don't know."

It's his father's soothing voice that forces him to take a deep breath and calm down a little. "Hikaru. Tell us what happened."

"Kaoru's been kidnapped." He squeezes his eyes closed against the awful words.

"What?" Yuzuha questions faintly, and Hikaru can imagine her falling into a chair on the other end of the line.

"I—I left him at school yesterday to hang out with Haruhi," he confesses, feeling the guilt welling up in him afresh. "He said he had some work to do in the library, so I left him there. But then he never came home and so I went to the library last night with Kyouya and his police and Kaoru's stuff was still there and the security footage was set in a loop and Kyouya thinks that it may have been an inside job and I don't know what to do," he lets out all in a rush.

"Have you heard from the abductors yet?" Yuzuha asks, already pulling herself together, and Hikaru can glimpse the strong woman that has kept the Hitachiin empire running for years already.

"No, nothing," he says, and can feel himself begin to panic at the realization.

"All right, just stay calm," his father urges, and it's all the more persuasive with his soft-spoken voice. "Kidnappers often don't call within the first 24 hours in order to build up panic and make it more likely for the family to give in to their demands, so there's no reason to get too anxious just yet."

"Of course, if it's any issue of money, we can pay it," his mother rushes to assure. "Getting Kaoru back safely is our main priority. Once he's returned, then we can concentrate on catching the ones who took him."

Hikaru feels a warm sense of relief starting to soothe the knots in his stomach at his parents' calm and certain manner of handling the crisis. He's glad he called them.

"Hikaru, I'll be coming back as soon as the Cessna is ready to go," his father tells him. "I should be there by this evening. Don't do anything until I get home."

"No, Dad, it's all right. You don't need to leave your seminar; I know how important it is for your work. Besides, I've got everything covered here. The Ootori's police force is handling everything from the phone traces to the searching and investigating, so you don't need to—"

"Hikaru."

That one word, spoken in his father's rarely heard no-nonsense tone, is enough to shut him up. His father is coming back this evening no matter what he says, and Hikaru surprisingly finds himself a little relieved at the thought of having someone else to take charge and share the burden.

His mother, though, is audibly distressed. "I want to come home and be there, too, but—but I can't leave the show where it is right now. The most important day is tomorrow and I'm meeting with the heads of a company we were hoping to get a big contract with, and I can't leave it to my assistant because she just came down with a bad case of food poisoning and had to be hospitalized—"

"Yuzuha." His father sooths his wife's increasingly hysterical voice. "It's all right. I'll be here for the boys and I'll handle everything, so you just concentrate on running your show, all right?"

"I'm sorry," his mother sobs out.

Hikaru feels much better after talking to his parents. He's not surprised that his mother isn't coming home; honestly, he hadn't expected either of them to be able to return so soon, so it's a pleasant surprise that his father will be here by this evening. Hikaru hadn't anticipated what a relief it would be to share the burden with someone else, though it's small compared to the roiling worry that still overwhelms him at the thought of his brother in the hands of a kidnapper.

He wanders down to the study after hanging up with his parents, intent on asking Kyouya what he's been doing for the last several hours and whether he's found anything of use. The older boy looks up when he enters. "Ah, there you are. I was actually just coming to find you." He takes note of Hikaru's expression and the phone still clutched in his hand. "I assume you just called your parents?"

"Yeah. I told them what happened. Dad's on his way back and should be home by this evening." Kyouya nods in approval. "Did you want to show me something?"

"Ah, yes. Come look at this."

Hikaru crosses the room to study the data indicated on the screen but doesn't understand what he's looking at. "What does it mean?"

"I accessed Ouran's employee records database and dug up all the files for the security personnel, the ones who had access to the surveillance room. Using the approximate time of abduction, I was able to narrow it down to just a couple of suspects. I ran background checks and dug up some pretty extensive research on both, which is what took so much time. But it paid off."

He taps a few keys and a picture pops up onto the screen. An average-looking man is shown, his black hair slicked back and just enough of his shoulders showing to reveal that he's wearing Ouran's security uniform. His employee ID picture, then. The face is expressionless, but the blank look in his deep black eyes makes Hikaru shudder involuntarily. The thought of his brother in the hands of someone with eyes like that…

"What makes you think this is the guy?" he asks, tearing his eyes away from the photo.

"That's the interesting part." Kyouya exits the picture and pulls up a copy of the man's file. "I'm definitely going to be speaking with someone at the school about the quality of their hiring procedures. This man is on record as being named Nakatani Shin'ichirou, but when I ran that name through my system, it's reported as belonging to a small-town fisherman who died in 1954."

"So?"

"It means it's not his real name. In fact, none of this background information holds together. Sometimes criminals and people on the run will discard their true identity and buy a new one off the black market, usually someone long-dead and hard to trace, so they have what's essentially a clean record," Kyouya explains. "It seems obvious that that's what this man did, maybe even for the sole purpose of getting this job at Ouran, though it's nearly impossible to tell since all of his records under this name might be faked. I'm going to investigate this some more, look into the contact information he provided, though it's a slim hope at best that I'll find anything useful."

"So what are you saying? You're saying that even though we know who probably did it, there's no way we can track him?" Hikaru asks sharply. "We're no closer to finding him even though we know this much?"

Kyouya observes him a moment, as if studying the building hysteria. His face is pale and there are dark circles under his eyes from staying up all night, and Hikaru doesn't care that he probably looks even worse. He wasn't able to sleep at all last night—probably won't be able to sleep again until has his brother back, no matter how long it takes.

"That's not what I'm saying," Kyouya replies as calmly as ever. "This is actually great progress. We know what he looks like now. We can send this picture to the public police, have the news stations broadcast it as being wanted, spread it through our social connections. Someone's bound to know something or to catch sight of him eventually."

Hikaru doesn't like the word "eventually," but he accepts the reasoning that at least the photo should be able to help in their search. He doesn't know that the picture of the man's face will haunt his nightmares for many years to come.

oOoOo

It's several hours later before the man returns. He makes no move to clean up the spilled food from breakfast or last night's suspicious canned meat. Instead, he merely closes the door and then sits down with his back against it, staring at Kaoru with a blank intensity that makes him immediately uncomfortable. He tries to glare back but cannot meet the man's hollow black eyes for more than a few seconds before inadvertently looking away.

It doesn't take more than a couple minutes of the tense silence before Kaoru's completely unnerved and he twists as far away as possible, curling his legs up to hide as much as himself from the prying gaze as he can. He know it's a useless endeavor, as the man has already stripped away everything he had, both clothes and being, but something about those eyes seems almost even more invasive than the roaming hands of last night.

He's concentrating so hard on ignoring the feeling of eyes on him that it's several minutes before he notices the overbearing presence behind him. He turns his head and jumps violently when he finds the man standing directly beside the bed, looming over him. His heart crashing wildly, Kaoru's body begins to tremble as he shakily blurts, "Wh-What do you want?"

The silence stretches on for so long that Kaoru is convinced he's not going to answer. And then, flatly, "My parents died when I was young. I was raised by my grandmother."

Kaoru isn't sure how he's supposed to respond to that. In some other situation, he may have offered his polite condolences, but in this case, he's having trouble being sympathetic, and so remains silent.

After a while, the man continues. "I hated her. She always said that I was sick. Twisted. That there was something wrong with me. But she was wrong. She was wrong about me. There's nothing wrong with me. But she wouldn't stop saying it."

Kaoru feels his mouth go dry.

"So I killed her." He draws a long switchblade out of his pocket and flips it open, turning his gaze to the sharp blade. Kaoru's attention too is consumed by the knife and he almost misses it when the man continues. "I slit her throat and then cut out her lying tongue. She doesn't say those things anymore, now. I burned the house down and everyone thought that I died in the fire, too, so I was free to run away and live how I wanted. I was alone for so long…" His eyes flick to Kaoru's so fast that the boy flinches in surprise. "But now I have you. And neither one of us will ever have to be alone again."

This strikes a chord within Kaoru and he pushes away the fear caused by the man's obvious psychosis to retort, "I'm not alone! My brother—"

"Oh yes, yes, I've seen you with your brother, your precious twin brother," the man interrupts, waving the knife around carelessly. "That's what made me first notice you, and I've been watching you ever since. You love him very much, don't you, my sweet? Of course you do. I've seen the way you two act together. But I know how he looks at you when you don't see. How he pushes you away and you don't notice. He's going to leave you one day."

"He is not. My brother wouldn't do that to me." But he already knows that it's true, has been thinking it himself for quite some time now.

"But it's all right, my darling. Shh, now. I have you now and we'll be together always."

The man is on the bed with him before Kaoru remembers the much more pressing matter at hand and all thoughts of Hikaru are pushed out of his mind. It's obvious what the man is planning to do again but Kaoru won't let him. The first time was enough to etch taint into his soul and change him forever; any more than that and he knows he'll break.

Kaoru fights back as the man tries to pin his legs, screaming in frustration at the uselessness of his bound hands. This time, he manages a strong kick that catches the man straight in the jaw and actually forces him back, but the boy is only able to feel jubilant for one short moment before the man is back on him, his black eyes flashing in anger.

"You shouldn't have done that, pet," he hisses, and Kaoru finds himself wishing for the blank stare of before as the razor sharp blade is pressed against his neck. He immediately falls deathly still, afraid that one wrong move will be enough to slice his throat open. Just like the unfortunate grandmother.

The man's eyes change from angry to affectionate so quickly as to be disconcerting as he smiles but does not move the knife from its place against his pale neck. "That's better, my darling. There's no need to fight me. I'll take good care of you."

He's no more gentle the second time and Kaoru cries out as he can feel old wounds tearing open again before they've had a chance to heal. He clenches his hands around the metal bars, gritting his teeth against the rocking pain and the sharp sting of the knife digging into his neck with every movement.

Tears of frustration and despair fall freely. He let it happen again so easily after he told himself he wouldn't. How many more times will this happen before the man is satisfied or just grows bored and kills him? If it comes to a choice between dying now or living on like this, being violated again and again and breaking down piece by piece until he's finally, mercifully, killed, Kaoru knows which one he would choose.

He presses back against the blade resting on his neck, feeling it bite into his soft skin and a trickle of blood run down. His eyes flutter shut but the tears only increase as he thinks of Hikaru and pulls away.

It seems to take even longer this time before the man finally stops moving, but even then he does not remove himself, instead lying down over top of Kaoru. The boy has neither the strength nor the will to oppose and push him off, though the feeling of so much skin against skin repulses him. The man idly runs his fingers along Kaoru's body with one hand, the other dragging the blade around lightly enough to leave only red scratches. The hands still as the man raises his head from Kaoru's stomach to look into his face. "You're mine, you know."

Suddenly the knife is digging into his chest, the tip of the blade sinking into his skin and slicing through it. Kaoru is screaming again as the pain renews his struggles, but he's easily subdued by weakness and the man's weight lying across him. There's little he can do but cry out as the man focuses intently on the series of cuts he's making.

The wounds aren't deep, but blood bubbles up freely and trails down the sides of his chest as the knife carves lines and curves several inches tall across the expanse. Kaoru feels as though he might pass out from the pain by the time the man sits back to admire his work. He smiles in satisfaction before wiping the bloodied blade clean on the mattress and pocketing the knife again. Then, before Kaoru can react, the man leans forward and kisses him. "Mine," he murmurs against Kaoru's lips, and then he's gone.

Kaoru stares blankly at the ceiling for a minute, wide-eyed, before he leans as far as possible over the side of the bed and vomits. Not much comes up from his empty stomach other than bile, but it's still several minutes before he can stop retching. He lies back on the bed and almost fearfully looks down at his chest to assess the damage. Too much blood is still pooling for him to be able to discern any pattern or design the man may have carved, but the sight still makes him sick all over again.

He can feel more wetness slipping down his legs to soak into the dirty mattress beneath him and it's a long time before he can coax his battered and trembling body to curl up tight, silent sobs wracking his frame for hours.

oOoOo

TBC. Please leave a review.


	5. Chapter 4

Thank you very much to everyone who has taken the time to read, review, fav, and alert! It means so much to me that people are reading and enjoying this. A lot of stuff happens in this chapter, so hopefully you'll enjoy this one as well.

Kaoru's timeline is a little ahead of Hikaru's, if you notice, but there is a reason for that, I promise. Just try to pay attention to the indicators of time passage, and you shouldn't be too confused. If you are, though, I've created a linear timeline of events that may help you keep things straight. If you're interested, the link is in my profile.

Warnings: torture, mentions of rape, violent character death.

**Hour by Hour**

**Chapter 4**

Hikaru paces the halls restlessly, his head too full of the nameless man's picture for sleep, as Kyouya had suggested, to be possible. He clutches his cell phone tightly in his hand, never straying too far from one of the house lines. Today will be the day, he tells himself. So what if it hasn't yet been 24 hours? He and Kaoru have never been apart for this long before—any longer would be unthinkable.

He's pacing through the front hallway when the doorbell chimes softly, nearly scaring him out of his wits. He leaps for the door and throws it open, not quite sure what he's expecting—a ransom letter, perhaps, or even Kaoru himself delivered to his doorstep—but is disappointed, either way.

All the remaining members of the Host Club—Tamaki, Mori, Honey, and even Haruhi—crowd his doorway, all with varying looks of anxiety on their faces. Honey bursts into tears right away and launches himself into Hikaru, followed shortly by Tamaki. Haruhi looks away, a vaguely guilty expression on her face; she must have reached the same conclusion Hikaru had. He can't quite bring himself to look at her, even though it's much less her fault than his, and concentrates instead on trying to pry the two hysterical blonds off his person.

"Hikaru, my son, we heard what happened last night," Tamaki exclaims, his wide amethyst eyes full of tears. "Kyouya called and told me the situation just this morning, so I gathered everyone else up and brought them here and now we're here and we want to help in any way we can."

"Did you also hear me tell you that my police have the search under control?" The Host Club members turn as one to see Kyouya descending the front staircase towards them.

Tamaki finally releases Hikaru and pushes the boy behind him—almost as if he's protecting him, but from what, Hikaru can't imagine—to address his best friend. "Kyouya! Even if we can't be of much help in the search itself, we still want to be here for Hikaru. What kind of friends would we be if we left him to himself at a time like this?"

Kyouya smirks lightly. "Of course. Actually, I'm glad you're here. I managed to find the person that's probably responsible, but we don't know his name or true identity. I was hoping you could all help spread the photo through your connections—even you, Haruhi. Kidnappers and people like this don't usually come from the higher echelons themselves, after all."

Haruhi looks somewhat relieved to be able to help at least a little, and Hikaru finds himself suddenly glad of the company of the Host Club. Even though it's weird to be with all of them without Kaoru and only emphasizes his absence that much more, at least they'll probably be able to distract him from his loneliness and worry and make the waiting a little more bearable.

Hours pass and each chime of the clock only makes Hikaru more distressed when the phones remain silent. Tamaki does his best to entertain Hikaru, but without Kaoru there to make fun of their senpai together, the effort falls a little short. Kyouya is absorbed again in the computer, doing what, Hikaru can't imagine, and Honey and Mori are busy spreading the word and seeking help through their own social contacts. The photo of the man has been sent to the major news stations with the line that he's the prime suspect in a kidnapping case and the story has been playing sporadically for the past several hours.

Haruhi leaves the mansion around late afternoon with a copy of the photo and the intention to distribute it around her neighborhood and common areas such as the marketplace and mall. She tries to apologize for her part in letting this happen, but he assures her as best he can that it really wasn't her fault at all. None of them had any way of knowing.

That evening, as promised, the twins' father arrives back home and is filled in on all the details that he didn't receive over the phone. Hikaru is half-expecting his father to blame him for allowing his brother to be taken, since that's the thought that has been running through his own mind all day. He's a little surprised, therefore, when his father only hugs him tightly and assures him that everything will be all right. Hikaru can only believe him, as his father has never lied to him before, and can't help but be comforted. With his father here now and taking charge, somehow things already seem to be looking up. Maybe it will be all right, after all.

oOoOo

It's been four days, as near as Kaoru can keep track, since he woke up in this hell. He doesn't want to sleep, afraid of what he'll return to when he wakes, but sometimes his body shuts itself down for a few hours of unconsciousness without his permission. He's begun to accept water from the man, his driving thirst overriding his repulsion after the second day. He still won't eat any food, though. His stomach rebels against the idea of being fed by the hand of the man he loathes so deeply.

Each day passes in a haze of pain and mental agony, yet every visit from the man still stands out clearly in his mind, all the more tormenting for the way he can't forget a single touch, push, moan. With each hour that passes and no sign of rescue drawing nearer, his hopes grow a little dimmer until they've disappeared entirely. Kaoru knows he's going to die here.

He wonders if anyone will ever find his body, rotting in this shack years later, or if the man will bury him in some obscure field somewhere where his bones will turn to dust and Hikaru will never find out exactly what happened to him. When he cries now, he cries for Hikaru, how his brother will have to live forever with his loss, how he'll probably go on searching for his twin until he runs himself into the ground, still finding no answers and no closure.

Worse still, though, would be finding the answer and knowing for sure how his little brother had suffered before he died. Kaoru knows Hikaru, and he knows that he'd never get over it. So he cries for him. He's run out of tears for himself.

It's been another late night visit from the man, who now lies over his chest again, running his fingers over skin and murmuring nonsense words. Kaoru has stopped fighting entirely, not seeing the point anymore when there's nothing left to protect, nothing left that the man hasn't already taken. Nothing but his life, and Kaoru is beginning to wish he'd take that too.

He's dimly trying to block out the sound of the man's voice and the feel of his fingers running over his bones when a sudden word catches his attention before his mind can even process it. He turns his head sharply down at the man, making the muscles in his neck twinge uncomfortably, and demands, "What did you just say?"

The man looks up at him, dimly surprised at being interrupted, before running his fingers again over the boy's protruding ribcage and repeating, "You're so beautiful, Hikaru, my love."

Kaoru had thought he was beyond feeling fear at this point, but now a new terror floods him—terror for his twin and himself—as he registers the implications. He's been mistaken for his brother before, certainly, but this… This is a whole different level. His mind races and fear glues his lips shut against his automatic protests that he's not Hikaru. If the man finds out that he's made a mistake and grabbed the wrong twin, what will he do? Would he immediately kill Kaoru and go after Hikaru instead? The thought of his dear older brother being held in this place instead of him is enough to freeze Kaoru's bones. He'll never let that happen, never.

How had the man even made a mistake like that in the first place? Had he meant to go after Hikaru all along and just took Kaoru by mistake? Or had Kaoru been his true target and he'd just gotten the names mixed up? He isn't sure, until he remembers something the man said what seems an age ago now.

"_How he pushes you away and you don't notice."_

Kaoru is the one who's been pushing his brother away for a while now, gently prodding him towards a life of independence. Hikaru is the one who hasn't noticed.

All of his pain comes rushing to the forefront as his burdened and fracturing mind realizes that none of this should have happened to him. This is a hell that he would never wish even on a despised enemy, much less his most precious person, but in that moment, Kaoru has never hated being a twin more.

oOoOo

After the second day, things begin to look grim. The 24-hour mark comes and goes without a peep from the kidnapper and Hikaru stays up the entire night again staring at his silent phone. The mood of the whole house has darkened and the servants step carefully, trying not to disturb either of the remaining Hitachiin men. They've learned to stop bringing Hikaru meals after he threw his dinner tray at them, though his father was later able to coax him into at least nibbling some bread.

When the 48-hour mark passes and the Ootori police force returns its usual report of no progress made, they become desperate enough to turn to the public police, but they're of little more help. The detectives tell them that they'll do their best, but after 72 hours with no clues, the percentage of successful kidnapping rescues drops drastically. Hikaru barricades himself in his room after he hears that and doesn't come out for the rest of the night.

The 72-hour mark slouches by and Hikaru feels as though someone has cut out his very heart. He curls up with Kaoru's pillow as he collapses on their bed and sobs himself into the first sleep he's had in days.

The atmosphere in the house is heavy and silent, conspicuously absent of the usual mischievous laughter that has brightened its halls for years. Not even Yuzuha's sudden return can brighten the place, having dropped everything as soon as she could and flying fifteen hours around the globe to be with what's left of her family. Hikaru knows he should be glad she's back, that she can be there for her husband, but ultimately her presence makes little difference and he's never felt so alone in his life.

Kaoru has always been by his side, always, and he doesn't know what he would do if "we" ever became just "I." The first couple of days, he forbade himself to think of such a thing, telling himself over and over that soon he would have Kaoru back and after a while things would be all right again, just like they used to be. Now, he finds the dark thought festering in his brain, creeping ever closer toward becoming a reality with each new hour that slinks by.

Could there be such a thing for him as life without Kaoru? He's never put too much thought into his future before, but he'd always _known_ that at least on some level his brother would be beside him. He had never considered, not even in his nightmares, a future where he might be alone. Before this horrible ordeal, he hadn't even known the true meaning of the word. He thought before that he and Kaoru had been alone inside their world, cut off from everyone else, but he realizes now that even then, he hadn't really been alone as long as he'd had Kaoru. There's never been such a thing as just "Hikaru" or just "Kaoru," always "Hikaru and Kaoru." He's afraid to face a world where that isn't true.

The Host Club has mostly stopped visiting after the first few days, though they stay updated on the situation _("No change…No change…No sign anywhere.") _through Kyouya. Honey can't handle all the bad news, Tamaki can't handle seeing Hikaru so sad, and Kyouya can run the operation better from his own house. Haruhi, though, makes sure to drop by every day after school, just sitting silently with him for hours before softly declaring that she has to go home and leaving again. Hikaru doesn't know if it's some sort of penance she's set for herself, but he wants to tell her that it's not working.

And so the cycle of days continues wearily, building despair hour by hour, until finally a change comes on the eleventh day since Kaoru's disappearance.

oOoOo

Kaoru would hate the sun, if he had the energy to do so. This is the fifth sunrise he's seen poking through the gaps in the boards over the window, and while the world outside might be emerging from the darkness, he's only falling further into it. Each new day is just another reminder of how much less likely it is that he'll ever get out of here alive.

The man has his knife out again and is running the blade against his ribcage and up his arms just lightly enough to raise narrow red welts and the occasional small bead of blood. As painful as it is, Kaoru would rather focus on this sensation than the trickle of warm liquid dripping down his legs. The black eyes roam his thin body, alighting on the scabbed mess of dried blood on his chest as though just realizing it's there. Kaoru releases a small groan as the knife is dragged harshly down his arm until the point pushes itself back into the top of the first scabbed cut.

"You mustn't forget, Hikaru my love, that you're mine forever," the man whispers before sinking the knife in deeper than before, retracing the same lines from days ago.

Kaoru's body is so weak and his throat so abused that he can't even scream anymore, just moan weakly and try to twist away from the agonizing pain. Blood is running down his chest in streams by the time the man is finished, leaning back to admire his work. He dips his head and drags his tongue lengthwise across the wounds, making Kaoru shudder in revulsion, the man's eyes closing in pleasure as he savors the taste.

He drags his hand harshly across Kaoru's chest, clearing most of the blood away, and then grabs his chin with the same hand to force his head down. "Look at it, my pet. Look at what you are."

Kaoru's eyes are drawn down almost unwillingly to the angry red cuts adorning the expanse of his chest, which he can now make out to be letters. His stuttering breath hitches in shock as he realizes that the characters form what can only be the man's name. He looks up in horror to meet the demented black eyes above him, the smile set beneath them twisting in delight.

"You belong to me, my darling. And I'll never let anyone take you away."

This is the last torment his already fractured mind can bear, and suddenly he can feel something deep within himself

_(crack)_

_(crack)_

breaking. He doesn't know what exactly it is, but he knows it will never be whole again.

With nothing left to fear, he lets his eyes slip closed and is asleep before the man even leaves the room.

oOo

When Kaoru wakes from the first voluntary sleep he's had in a week, he has no idea how much time has passed, but his body feels no more rested. He's lost track of the number of days he's been here but can't even bring himself to care. If he's going to spend the rest of his very short life here, counting the days until his death just seems tedious.

When the man returns, bearing a tray with another meal that will go uneaten, Kaoru meets his eyes dully, no longer flinching away. He can't be afraid anymore because he has nothing left to fear. Nothing left to lose. The man has taken everything from him, body and soul, even his will to live. Dying would only be a relief at this point, a sweet release from the pain that will scar him for the rest of his life.

The man falters as he seems to notice something different, looking over him with some twisted form of concern that might have made Kaoru laugh in some other life. "Is there something wrong, my dear?"

Kaoru's eyes are blank, his voice a low monotone as he speaks his wish. "I want to die. Please just let me die."

The tray slips through his hands in apparent surprise. "Why would you say such a thing?"

"Please. I'm so tired. Just kill me already."

"But…don't you love me?" the man asks, clearly hurt.

The words fall from his lips without thought. "No. I hate you." He can't even feel the emotion he intones though he knows he should hate the man, has every right to. But right now he just can't seem to summon the energy. "Your grandmother was right about you. You're sick and twisted and I hate you. You've already killed me; just finish it. Please."

The man's eyes blaze in anger and suddenly he's on top of Kaoru, his knife out and pressed against the pale column of throat. A small rivulet of blood bubbles up and spills out over the blade. Kaoru does not flinch, does not even look away as dead amber eyes meet hollow black. For a long moment, an eternity in that small room, both are perfectly still.

Slowly, very slowly, comprehension begins to dawn in the man's eyes and his face crumbles. His hand drops the knife, and Kaoru can only watch with a vague feeling of disappointment as the man stumbles away.

He stares down in horror at his hands, as if only just realizing the atrocities they've committed, and his gaze slowly travels over to the broken form on the bed. His eyes take in the blood covering his chest, his legs, his arms, his neck, even his face, and his mouth twists down into a grimacing sob of horror. "I'm so sorry." He trips forward, picking up the knife he had dropped. "I'm so sorry."

He stands over him with the knife raised and Kaoru waits for the strike to fall. A few unexpected tears splash down the man's face before he whispers, "She was right about me," and swings the blade down to embed deeply into his own belly. A spray of blood splashes out onto Kaoru as he drags the knife across his stomach in a swift, vicious motion, wavers, and then falls.

Kaoru is frozen in shock, his eyes wide and the feeling of warm blood not his own soaking into his skin. The man's eyes are open, staring blankly at the ceiling, his bloodied knife still clutched loosely in one twitching hand. The ghastly stomach wound continues to pump copious amounts of blood for just another minute before the rush slows and then stops altogether.

When the shock of the horrifying death finally begins to recede some great time later, it's only because Kaoru's mind has reached a terrible conclusion. The man was his only hope of either eventual escape or a quick death. Now, without the man to at least sustain him by giving him water or simply end it all by slitting his throat, his only remaining option is to die slowly of dehydration as his body withers away. It's the blackest thought he's had in the entire time he's been here, because now it's a certainty. The only thing he can do is lie with his hands tied and wait for death to come to him slowly.

oOoOo

TBC. Next chapter, Kaoru at last escapes the little room, but will it be by rescue or death? Tune in next week to find out! Please review!


	6. Chapter 5

Thank you very much to everyone who's read and especially reviewed! (To the guest who asked about the knife in toes… Your review made me laugh. I hadn't even thought of that, so let's just assume that it's out of reach, haha.)

I don't think it's ever mentioned exactly where they all live, and I'm pretty sure that Ouran is not a real place. I've seen somebody else set them in Tokyo, which seems sensible enough, so for the purposes of this story, they live in or around Tokyo.

Warnings: general gruesomeness, allusions to rape (pretty much for the rest of the story)

**Hour by Hour**

**Chapter 5**

Kaoru drifts through a haze of pain and delirium as the light sneaking into the room through the window cycles in an ebb and shine. The deep cuts in his chest itch and burn, still sluggishly oozing dark blood, and he tugs uselessly at his bonds for hours on end, straining to free his hands so he can relieve the pain. The dried blood covering his body irritates his skin and the growing thirst in his throat is slowly driving him to madness. When he does manage brief snatches of sleep, vague images of shadowed horrors dance behind his eyelids, and he wakes trembling and moaning.

The worst, though, is the body. Kaoru can see the man's dead black eyes from where he fell, can watch as they grow glassy and then slowly opaque, staring through him even though they're directed at the ceiling. It doesn't take long for the corpse to start stinking, as the copious amount of spilled blood and the open stomach cavity begin to rot. The overbearing odor makes him gag at first, but his body is too weak even to retch.

Eventually _(after hours, days, weeks?)_, even his lungs seem to grow too weary to support him and his breath comes in short, shallow pants. His head is spinning and his eyelids fluttering and his ears are picking up strange sounds, a dim sort of tapping and a voice calling from far way.

Kaoru doesn't know if it's Death coming for him at last, but he welcomes the idea with overwhelming relief. He breathes a last sigh of _"Hikaru"_ before his eyes slip shut and he falls into the waiting blackness.

oOo

He floats lazily through a sea of inky darkness, basking in the warm nothingness that surrounds him. Here, there is nothing, no identity, no memory, no pain, and he doesn't know why that's important but it is and so he embraces it, letting it wash over him and through him and carry him along on the current heading nowhere. He's awash in the sea of nonexistence for an eternity, an age, a lifetime—_but what is a lifetime, really?_ (Much too long and never quite long enough.)

A sudden shaft of white light stabs down into his darkness and he drifts closer, lazily curious, to study the invasion. The light is cold and uncomfortable and disturbs the pleasant blackness and he decides that he doesn't like it at all. Before he can swim away, though, down to safer depths of blackness where the invading white can't reach, the shaft of light broadens and he's caught in it.

_No_, he thinks. _I don't want to go back there. Please. Don't take me back. I don't want to hurt again._

But it's already too late and he's dragged back to the surface.

A low beeping sound fills his ears, a solid hold for him to grab onto and steady himself as he's thrust back unwillingly into the land of the living. Prying open his eyelids by increments, he can immediately tell that he's no longer in the tiny room of so much pain. The stark white walls and low buzz of machinery clue him to the fact that he's in a hospital, but the realization doesn't bring him comfort. He knows what it means to be here. The blessed blank relief of darkness was only a temporary release and now he'll have to go on carrying this pain for the rest of his much longer life. A few tears drop from his tired eyes to soak into the flat white pillow beneath his head.

He closes his eyes and begs the darkness to take him back, but there's nothing for it. He can already feel that his body is stronger now and less willing to let him go again. Relief will not return so easily.

The tears continue to fall, a steady stream that he has no control over, and he doesn't bother to wipe them away or look up as footsteps approach. Perhaps realizing that he's awake, the footsteps hastily retreat, being replaced several minutes later by a lighter pair. However, the person makes no move to speak or touch him, prompting him to slowly open his eyes again. A short woman with a gentle face and a long white coat is regarding him carefully from a few feet away. He already hates her kind brown eyes that know all his secrets.

"How are you feeling?" she asks in a quiet, undemanding tone.

That's a stupid question, he thinks. If she's a doctor, then she should already know how he's feeling physically. And as for mentally… Well, there aren't enough words for that and he doubts she would really want to hear them anyway.

After a long moment of blank staring, she seems to accept that he won't answer and says instead, "My name is Doctor Hinako. Can you tell me yours?"

_Why? It didn't make any difference who I am last time._

It takes him a moment to get the word out. "Kaoru." So much time has passed since he's heard his own name that it feels almost strange passing his lips.

She smiles a bit in relief and doesn't ask his surname. "Very good, Kaoru. I want you to know that you're safe here and you're okay now. You'll be all right."

He doesn't even bother to ask how he got here in the first place. This hospital with its clean white sheets and sterile fluorescent lighting is so far removed from the dirty little room with the splash of blood across the floor that he's not even entirely sure this is reality yet. If he's dreaming, though, he'd prefer the one of darkness.

"Is there somebody you'd like us to call?" she asks gently, and he wonders what's going through her mind.

Kaoru takes a long moment to mull over her question. Really, there's nothing to even think about and he doesn't know why it takes him so long to decide if he even wants Hikaru here. "Yes. My brother." He gives her the number and then tunes out her final reassurances before she departs, presumably to call his brother and give him the happy, happy news that he's not an only child after all. Happy? He'll be all right now? Kaoru's never been so miserable to be alive and nothing will ever be okay again.

Hours pass, and the same doctor and a couple of different female nurses drift in and out of the room, checking his vitals and giving him water and changing his bandages, which seem to cover every inch of his upper body. The worst are the ones over his chest and each of his wrists. He can't stop rubbing them, and moves his hands around just because he can, so unused to the feeling of freedom. He doesn't look at any of the wounds while the bandages are being changed. He doesn't want to see the angry red lines, the glaring reminders of what he'll already never be able to forget.

The doctor tells him that his family has been called and is on their way, making his heart trip uncomfortably in his chest and the heart monitor to stutter. They'll be here in a few hours, she says, and for the first time, Kaoru wonders exactly where he is, how far did the man take him from his home?

Despite the impending visit and the nervousness it produces, Kaoru's body is still weak and exhausted, and he doesn't fight the pull of sleep. He can only hope that it'll be blank and mercifully deep.

oOoOo

Hikaru hates himself for giving up hope, but after eleven days with no phone call, no letter, no sign of hide nor hair of either abductor or victim, it's looking rather doubtful that he'll ever see his brother again. At this point, hope is just a flicker in his chest that prolongs the pain of acceptance and multiplies the despair.

He moves like a wraith through the silent house, occasionally stopping to stare blankly at a framed photograph of his twin and himself together, smiling dashingly at the camera or caught in a candid moment of delighted laughter. Will he ever see that smile again? He sees Kaoru's face every day in the mirror, but it's drawn and pale with dark circles under the eyes and a lonely despair that he's never seen on his brother's face before. It's not Kaoru at all and the sight only makes him feel even more alone. He stops looking in mirrors.

His parents aren't doing very much better. His mother is always crying and his father is even quieter than usual, only coming out of his study when he needs to speak to the police. The detectives and officers come by less and less frequently as the days go on, having made no progress in the search and bearing no desire to constantly reiterate the same bad news. Hikaru wonders how much longer it will be until they just give up completely.

He's standing in one of their plush informal living rooms staring at a photograph of him and Kaoru playing in their garden as children when the sudden ringing of his cell phone startles him and he drops the frame back onto the marble mantelpiece with a clatter. He doesn't recognize the phone number on his caller ID, but answers anyway with a robotic "Hello."

"Good morning. Is this Hikaru-san?" a polite female voice asks.

"It is," he answers tonelessly, carefully standing the picture frame back up.

"Hello, this is Doctor Hinako Chihara with Sonoda Hospital in Kobayashi. I have a young man here who asked me to call you. He says he's your brother—"

The cell phone slips through his slack fingers as shock overcomes him, and it takes a moment before he comes back to himself. He scoops the phone from the thick carpet, missing whatever the doctor says after "brother," but he doesn't care as he blurts, "Kaoru's there?"

"Yes, he did say that was his name," the woman replies, not seeming at all bothered to be interrupted.

"And he's—he's alive?" Hikaru demands, scarcely able to make himself say it. "He's okay?"

"Yes, he is alive. He's a bit banged up, but physically, he'll recover in no time."

Hikaru doesn't stop to ask what she means by "_physically_." The important thing is just that Kaoru is alive, he's been found, and Hikaru will get to see him again and they'll be together forever now. "Tell him I'm coming right away and I'll be there as soon as I can," he orders. He makes sure he has the correct name of the hospital and its address before hanging up without remembering to say goodbye or thank you, and screams for his parents.

oOo

The tiny town of Kobayashi in the Miyazaki prefecture is aggravatingly far from his home, and even though the Cessna cuts the travel time down to a fraction of what it would take by car, Hikaru still fidgets in his seat for the entire journey. When they land at the small municipal airport, it's all he can do not to take off running. Only his lack of knowledge as to where the hospital is and the nagging rationale that taking a car will actually be faster stops him.

After an eternity, they're standing before the automatic doors of the small hospital and Hikaru forgets to breathe. Somewhere within these walls is his brother. He's really going to see him again. He rushes in, fully intent on throwing open every door and searching every room until he finds Kaoru, but his father grabs his arm before he can get too far and drags him over to the reception desk. He chafes at the delay as the nurse tells them to wait one minute while she pages the doctor, anxious to finally be moving after so long of helpless inactivity.

A short woman in a white lab coat and scrubs comes striding into the waiting room a few excruciating minutes later and Hikaru can tell at once that this is Doctor Hinako. The gentle voice he heard over the phone perfectly matches the petite, unassuming form that carries itself with a grace not often seen in a hospital setting. Her dark brown hair is pulled back in a neat bun away from her round face and her soft brown eyes are kind and a little sad.

Surprise flashes across her face as she spots Hikaru and it takes just a moment before it seems to click into place. A breath of relief escapes him and he just realizes that he's been afraid this entire time that this all has been some mistake, that it's not actually his Kaoru that they've found. But the woman's confusion upon seeing his identical face leaves no doubt that she's seen Kaoru, and Hikaru is immensely relieved.

She offers them each her hand in turn, smiling warmly at the small family. "You must be Hikaru."

"Please, ma'am, where's my brother? Can I see him now?" he asks eagerly, forgetting to release her hand and compulsively squeezing it.

"Not just yet, but very soon, I promise," she reassures. "I have a few things to go over with you first. Why don't we come sit over here?" Hinako leads them over to an empty corner of the waiting room and sits down across from them in the faded blue chairs. "First of all, it's plainly obvious that Kaoru has been through quite an ordeal. From the circumstances he was found in, it seems that he'd been kidnapped and held there for a while?"

"Yes," his mother forces out through a throat constricted with emotion. "Yes, he was taken eleven days ago."

Hikaru can see this fact processing in the doctor's eyes and wonders what exactly she's seen to make her look so gravely sympathetic.

"Yes, that timeline makes sense. He was rather seriously malnourished and also severely dehydrated when he was brought in, but we have him on lines now for both of those and he should make a full recovery. Now, I'd like to talk to you about some of the injuries he received. The worst physically is a series of lacerations to his chest. He lost quite a bit of blood from them and they had become infected, but we've put him on antibiotics and the infection is clearing up nicely. They're not life-threatening, but you should be aware that they'll definitely leave some pretty bad scarring."

Hikaru tries to tune out her voice as she goes on to list all the lacerations and contusions that his brother received while in the hands of that madman. He doesn't want to hear this. He doesn't want to know how his brother was tortured and suffered while Hikaru sat at home waiting for someone to find him. He only wants to run up to Kaoru's room, take him in his arms, and never let go again.

Suddenly, the doctor's grave voice drops a bombshell that shakes the small family huddled together on the faded blue chairs. Hikaru's attention is wrenched painfully back to Hinako, his mother has let out a gasping sob and covered her mouth with a shaking hand, and even his father is open-mouthed in disbelieving horror. Hikaru's head is reeling as he unwillingly takes in the doctor's words of what has been done to Kaoru. Never, never in his deepest fears and most despairing moments would he have imagined that something like this would happen. What kind of monster would even be capable of doing such a heinous thing to his sweet, innocent little brother?

Hikaru feels sick and whatever the doctor says next is drowned out by the struggle to control his revolting body and take deep, calming breaths. He stands abruptly, fists clenched at his sides. "I need to see my brother. Please. Let me go to Kaoru."

Doctor Hinako's eyes soften as she takes in his stance and trembling lips, and her clinical tone eases into something more gentle. "All right. Follow me. But he's sleeping now, so you'll have to be quiet and you can't stay long." She leads them down the hall to the elevators, up a couple of floors, and down another long hallway before they come to his room.

Hikaru stops abruptly in front of the closed door, suddenly unsure if he really wants to see Kaoru in the state the doctor has described him. He quickly banishes the absurd thought—Kaoru is his brother, his twin, and he'll stay beside him forever no matter what condition he's in. He pushes open the door and strides in, his eyes immediately falling to the still figure on the bed. His first thought is that Doctor Hinako's clinical description really didn't paint a sufficient picture.

Several machines surround the bed, various tubes connecting them at different points to Kaoru's body. His twin looks small, nearly overwhelmed by the large bed under him, and his cheeks are sunken, his arms too thin. There are dark smudges of shadows under his closed eyes and his lips are twisted into a pained grimace even in sleep. Bandages cover almost every part of Kaoru's body that he can see, even wrapping around his neck, though they lie thickest over his chest and around his wrists. Yellowing bruises dot his jaw and the visible portions of his ribcage not wrapped in bandages. His skin is much too pale, even under the fluorescent lights.

Amidst all this, absurdly, Hikaru is struck by the sudden realization that they're no longer identical. They may never be again. Even if Kaoru's body were to heal completely and return to its original form, he'll always carry a shadow of this with him. There won't be any more "Which One is Hikaru-kun?" game because they're no longer a matching set. He finally has his brother back but he's no longer his twin. Not really.

Tears splash down Hikaru's face as he collapses into the plastic chair next to the bed, taking Kaoru's limp hand and squeezing tightly. His parents come up on the other side of the bed, Yuzuha taking Kaoru's free hand and sobbing over her son as her husband rubs her back in useless comfort. His own face is grim and tears threaten to fall.

Doctor Hinako is about to excuse herself from this private moment when his father asks the question that's been pushed to the backs of all their minds, crowded out by the shock of Kaoru's condition. "Please, Doctor. Could you tell us who found him and how?"

"Of course. Your son is actually very lucky, sir," she tells them, but Hikaru is disinclined to agree. No one could be considered lucky for any reason after… "It was actually sheer chance that led Yoshimura-san to finding him. But I think that's a story better told by Yoshimura-san himself. He's still around the hospital somewhere; I assured him that Kaoru would be fine, but he said that he wanted to stay and make sure of it himself. I'll see if I can go find him for you."

She leaves them in the suddenly too-quiet room, the beeps and hums of the machinery standing out all the more for the otherwise silence. Hikaru wraps both his hands around Kaoru's pale fingers, wanting nothing more in that moment than for his brother to open his eyes and tell him he's okay. But Kaoru sleeps on and the quiet grows almost oppressive.

They're interrupted by a gentle tapping on the room door and look up to find an average man somewhere in his mid to late '30s, his kind face currently covered in sorrow. He too looks surprised for a moment as he spots Hikaru, and then his eyes land on the boy in the bed and he quickly figures it out. The sadness on his face only grows at the awareness, and Hikaru realizes it's sadness for them.

"Um, hello. I'm Yoshimura Seki. Doctor Hinako said that you wanted to speak to me." His parents introduce themselves in turn and at their urging, he begins his story right away.

"It was really by accident that it happened at all. My wife and I live in Kanoya and we were driving on our way up to visit family in Yatsushiro. Our gas tank was starting to run low, but we were on the smaller roads between cities, and there was nowhere to stop. Finally it ran out altogether and we were stuck stranded on the side of the road, with no other cars in sight and no phone signal. There was nothing behind us for miles and miles, so we finally decided to walk ahead down the road a little ways and see if we might find anything."

Hikaru is beginning to see how the doctor might have thought that Kaoru's rescue was sheer blind luck. It was already certainly an extraordinary chain of events. And then a wave of residual panic washes over him. Does that mean that if not for this man running out of gas along a deserted road, they may never have found Kaoru? He clutches the hand in his even tighter as Yoshimura continues.

"As luck would have it, we spotted a house up ahead after just a mile or two. It wasn't very much more than a shack, really, set back from the road a ways, but there was a car parked beside it, so we had the hope that maybe someone would be home and could help us. We walked up to the door and knocked, but no one answered. Being in a bit of a desperate situation, I walked around the house to look into the windows and see if there was someone inside that maybe just didn't hear us. It was already sunset and night was drawing down, and we didn't want to be stuck out on the open road after dark.

"There were a couple unblocked windows that showed a mostly empty house, though some signs of recent living like an open can of food on the table, so I didn't give up. There was one window on the backside of the house that was all boarded up from the inside, but I was able to peep through a little crack in it into the room. And that's when I saw it."

Subdued horror passes over Yoshimura's face as he recalls the sight Hikaru can't even—doesn't want to—imagine. "I was able to make out what looked to be a body on the bed, and his hands looked like they were tied to the head post. His eyes were closed and I thought I saw blood on his face, so I tried banging on the window and yelling, but he didn't respond. So I told my wife to stay outside and I busted the door down—thankfully it wasn't very sturdy or I guess I'd have had to break a window to get in, which would've made things harder.

"I ran to the back of the house and opened the door to the room, and the first thing that hit me was the smell. It was overpowering." He still looks a bit ill at the recollection. "There was another body on the floor—a man—that I hadn't been able to see from the window. Evidently he killed himself by slicing his belly open, harakiri style. There was blood everywhere. It must've been a couple days old already because rot had set in and the whole place smelled like decaying meat."

Hikaru and his parents both grimace at the gruesome imagery. He doesn't even want to think of his brother in the midst of that.

"I figured it must've been the man as took the boy and was holding him prisoner before he killed himself, but he'd left him all tied up to the bed when he died. At first, I thought the boy must be dead too, because he was covered in blood and wasn't showing any signs of life and looked just terrible."

Hikaru can no longer stand to look at Yoshimura and turns instead back to his brother, gently brushing his fingers over his cheek as if to reassure himself that he is, in fact, still alive.

"But I noticed that he was still breathing—just barely—so I knew we had to get him some help quick. One of his hands was tied up in rope and the other was chained with a handcuff. I was able to cut the rope using the knife the dead man was still holding, but it took a bit of hunting to find the key for the handcuffs on the kitchen table.

"Then I carried the boy out of the room and yelled for my wife to come help me. Poor Aya, she was horrified when she saw the mess of the boy in my arms, but she was able to gather herself when I told her what was going on and that we needed to get him to a hospital. And then—God forgive me, but I didn't have any other choice under the circumstances and I figure it's okay anyway, seeing as the man himself was such a monster—we found the keys and took his own car and then drove as fast as we could up the road to the nearest town with a hospital.

"When we got here, they whisked him away to patch him up and I talked to the police and told them everything I just told you. They might still be down at the old house wrapping things up, but they'll probably want to talk to you once they know you're here." He nods toward Kaoru. "The doctors told me he'd be okay, but I wanted to stay around and make sure of it myself. I hope you don't mind."

In response, Yuzuha breaks away from her husband to hug Yoshimura around the neck as tightly as she can, tears spilling freely down her face. "Thank you. Thank you so much for returning my boy to me. How can we ever repay you?"

Gazing down at his brother's sleeping face that just this morning he thought he might never see again, Hikaru knows they'll never be able to.

oOoOo

TBC. A happy ending to a chapter for once! Next time, the long-awaited reunion. Thanks for reading and please review!


	7. Chapter 6

If anyone is paying super close attention to detail and has noticed that the day count between Hikaru and Kaoru doesn't seem to match, remember the linear timeline I made and posted in my livejournal. Feel free to have a look if you're confused.

Warnings: If you've made it this far, I don't think you need these anymore.

**Hour by Hour**

**Chapter 6**

He can't move his hands.

He's tied again to the iron bars and the restraints are cutting into his wrists and he's pouring blood, every inch of his body covered in it. There's a weight over him, pinning him down, and suddenly the man is on top of him, breath heavy on his cheek and greasy black hair hanging down in strings to tickle his face. Bright red blood pours in a fountain from the grisly stomach wound, rapidly filling the room. Kaoru screams and thrashes, trying to throw him off, but the man only smiles his twisted smile, glassy black eyes blank, as he whispers, "You're mine forever, my love."

"Kaoru! Kaoru!"

Ultimately, it's the use of his real name that brings him back to consciousness, though it's a long moment before he fully returns to reality and realizes that he's still screaming and fighting the weight on top of him. He jerks away from the person trying to restrain him, curling up to be as small as possible as he struggles to regain control of his breathing.

"Kaoru, calm down. It was just a nightmare. You're okay now, I promise."

The soothing voice is more familiar to him than his own, and he finally registers the surprising presence of his brother. Hikaru's face is a mixture of fright at the outburst and gratitude that his twin is both awake and alive. A well of relief like he's never felt before bubbles up and washes over Kaoru at the sight of his other half, completely overwhelming him in the rush. His face crumbles and he reaches out with a sob. "Hikaru."

The older boy's face follows suit immediately after, and he throws himself forward to gather Kaoru into his arms, holding him as tightly as he dares with all the bandages in the way. "Kaoru." His tears fall freely, tears of relief, tears of sadness for all that's been done to his brother. "Kaoru. I thought I'd never see you again. I'm never letting you go, not ever."

The boys stay that way, held securely in each other's arms, well past the point when their muscles begin cramping. It's not until Hikaru realizes that he must be causing his brother some degree of pain that he at last relents to loosen his hold and settle Kaoru back on his pillows. He doesn't move from his seat on the bed, however, their hips pressed together side by side and their hands still tightly clutching one another.

"Hikaru. I thought I was going to die there," Kaoru confesses, the words spilling out past his lips without permission. "I thought I was going to die without ever seeing you again."

Hikaru's tears start afresh as he runs his fingers through Kaoru's hair and down his face, anything to keep touching him. He doesn't say how that's been his own worst fear for the last eleven days. "But you didn't. And I'm here now. I'll never let anything happen to you again, not ever."

Just like that, all the relief of a moment ago is gone as he's forcibly reminded of everything that's happened. It wasn't all just a nightmare that he can wake up from and have everything be all right. It doesn't matter if nothing bad ever happens to him again, because it's already too late. And Hikaru's best intentions can't change that.

Kaoru slowly draws back, pulling his hand out of Hikaru's and cradling himself as his eyes shutter. He can't stand the hurt and question on his brother's face, so he turns away, pretending to look out the window as he asks, "So what happened? Who found me?"

"Oh, it was actually really lucky." Hikaru seizes on the subject change and throws himself into the story with gusto, but Kaoru isn't really listening. He doesn't care who found him or how lucky it was; his life ended in that dirty little room and his body should have followed. He already resents this Yoshimura fellow for "saving" him, apparently just in the nick of time. Just in time would have been ten days ago, before any of this started. But there was no one to save him then.

"I don't think Mom and Dad have to be told, but I'm going to remind them anyway to make sure Yoshimura-san is very handsomely rewarded. He said he doesn't want anything, of course, but—"

"Mm. That's great," Kaoru says absently, and Hikaru cuts himself off, gazing intently at his brother.

"Are you all right? How are you feeling, really?" he asks, and then immediately wishes that he can take back the words. He grimaces to himself as he thinks that it's pretty obvious how Kaoru must be feeling.

But Kaoru doesn't even really react to the question at all, barely even bothers answering. "Fine."

Hikaru doesn't think he's ever heard anything less true. Of course, the doctor had warned them that he had been through something horrific and traumatizing and they couldn't expect him to open up right away, but Hikaru had still harbored the secret hope that he would be different. All their lives, they've always been the exception to the rules they apply to everyone else, alone together, two separate extensions of the same person. To see his twin shut him out so completely is rather more disappointing than he might have anticipated.

He regathers, telling himself that Kaoru only needs more time to recover. "Good. Anyway, it's still the middle of the night, so you should get back to sleep. Mom and Dad are really excited to see you in the morning. They're asleep in the lounge down the hall, but I told them that I wasn't going to leave you."

"Mom and Dad both came?" Kaoru asks in dim surprise.

"Of course," says Hikaru, as if he himself hadn't been a little surprised at the fact. "They both rushed home when they heard what happened and they've been there with me ever since, doing what they could. Oh, that reminds me! I should call Kyouya-senpai and tell him the good news. I've been working with him since the first night that…that you were gone. His family's police really did a lot to help look for you, even though it didn't matter in the end."

"Ah." The idea of being in debt to Kyouya is not one that he savors.

"But I don't think he'd appreciate me calling him so late—or so early, rather—so I'll do it first thing in the morning. For now, you just focus on going back to sleep and getting some rest."

Hikaru tucks the thin blankets carefully around him and Kaoru doesn't bother to tell him that sleep with its nightmare visions is now more horrible than wakefulness with its dark memories. He just lies down facing away from Hikaru and stares into the darkness until the sun rises.

Kaoru is tempted to get up and shut the window blinds against the rays of invading sunlight, but he's hooked up to too many tubes and wires to make that possible, and he knows that Hikaru wouldn't understand if he asked him. In the room with the boarded-up window, each new sunrise just marked another day to be filled with torment and pain. Now, the sunrise marks one more day where his body continues to live without his soul.

He's glad when a distraction arrives in the form of his parents, though any positive feelings quickly melt away as his mother embraces him for an unbearably long time. The feel of someone else's skin against his is too much and it's all he can do not to push her away. Perhaps his father picks up on his discomfort, but whatever the case, Kaoru is relieved when he doesn't try the same thing.

He finds himself uncomfortable as the object of attention under the scrutiny of so many eyes, even familiar as they are. With the nurses and doctors it's different, because even though they know what happened to him, to them he's just another patient in a hospital full of tragic stories. With his family, though, it's different. He knows that they've been informed of exactly what he went through; he can tell by the extra-delicate way they're all treating him. And he can't stand it.

Some part of him wants to yell and scream at them to go away and leave him alone and to close his eyes and never have to open them to the world again. But he stays silent, withering under their gazes. He's already alone.

He can't even reach for Hikaru to hide beside him as he's always been able to in the past. He's seen the heartbroken look in Hikaru's eyes when he looks at him and he knows what it means. Kaoru's not a fool; he's realized the same thing. They're no longer twins, no longer identical. They've finally achieved their lifelong desire-fear: no one will have any trouble telling them apart anymore.

But even if his body is restored to its former condition, even if his eyes are able to regain their old light, it will still never be the same as things used to be. Hikaru will never want to be the other half to a person so broken, so completely tainted. Kaoru can feel the rot festering in his bones, slowly growing and saturating his blood, his heart, down through his fingers and up into his brain. Hikaru is too good, too bright a light, for Kaoru to allow him to be sullied. Their tiny world of two has been reduced to just one, amber eyes staring at each other through the bars of the locked gate.

Kaoru wallows in his thoughts for another hour while his family chatters on about light, mundane topics—anything but the situation at hand. He's spared when Doctor Hinako returns for a check-up and bandage change and ushers everyone out. Hikaru fights at first, seeing no reason why he can't stay with his twin, but Kaoru silences him with just a look and he sullenly slumps out of the room to go wait with their parents.

Doctor Hinako and her assisting nurse are mostly silent as they work, for which Kaoru is grateful. They take readings from the machines around him and Hinako declares that he's well enough to be taken off of the IV drip being used to rehydrate him so long as he promises to drink plenty of water. They check his wounds, expressing satisfaction that the infection has retreated, and then the doctor draws a blood sample for further testing before wrapping him up again in new bandages. Most of them are somewhat unnecessary, such as the ones over the scratches along his arms and on his neck, but Kaoru prefers them to be covered, hidden from the world, and Doctor Hinako seems to understand this.

Finally, she declares him to be well on the mend and that they'll probably only keep him for another day or two for observation before releasing him to go home. Kaoru isn't sure whether he's happy about this or not; on the one hand, the hospital has become a sort of refuge for him, the first place he woke to after escaping the room, and he'll miss the eyes that know without judging. On the other hand, he's ready to put all of this as far behind him as possible and go home. Maybe once he's back in a familiar environment, he can even pretend that none of this ever happened.

oOoOo

Hikaru had thought that once they found Kaoru and brought him home, everything would be all right again and they could move on and never speak of any of this again. He's quickly finding that he was wrong. They've found Kaoru, his body is recovering, the man who took him is dead and gone, but Hikaru is only more worried than ever.

He's spent all his life being able to read his twin as easily as he can read his own mind, but Kaoru is different now. Damaged. There's a shadow in his eyes that has replaced the amber light, and Hikaru doesn't know how to make it go away. His little brother is broken, and he has no idea how to fix him and make him whole again. Maybe he can't. Maybe he'll never be able to. Maybe Kaoru will have to suffer like this every day for the rest of his life.

The thought depresses him but he tries not to let it show. Not that Kaoru would notice. The younger boy is sitting up in bed with his arms wrapped around himself and his eyes pointed out the window, though he's clearly lost in his own thoughts. The silence is starting to become oppressive, but for the first time, Hikaru doesn't know what to say to his brother.

Their parents are currently downstairs, talking to the Kobayashi police, giving their statements, telling them about the investigation with their own district police, and hearing about all the details with the crime scene at the house and wrap-up. Hikaru had decided that he didn't need to be there, didn't really want to hear all the gory details and would be better served at his twin's side, but now he's having second thoughts. If he knew more about the man, about what happened in that house, would he be able to understand Kaoru's pain a little better? Would he be able to revive a little of their old connection?

Somehow he doesn't think so, but then again, maybe he's just telling himself that because right now all he knows about the man is one photograph of his face, and that's already enough to haunt his nightmares.

oOoOo

The next morning, Kaoru is being released from the hospital to return home at last. Doctor Hinako had been a bit reluctant at first to let him out of her care just yet, but once she understood what exactly the Hitachiin name means and the fact that they could afford a private doctor with more personal care than her little hospital could provide, she was more inclined to allow his discharge.

Kaoru is reminded just how weak his body has become after a week and a half of being tied to a bed, unable to move and malnourished, but he refuses to be put in a wheelchair, and instead Hikaru helps him out of the hospital to the waiting car with an arm around his waist. Even that short trip visibly tires him, and Hikaru urges him to eat some granola and drink some juice as they ride to the airport with their parents. Kaoru accepts the snack just to make his twin happy, but he doesn't taste anything as he eats mechanically.

He's set up comfortably in the Cessna with a mound of pillows and blankets and granted solitude by virtue of a curtain drawn around his chair when he says he'd like to sleep. It's true his body is tired from lack of rest the night before, but he doesn't plan on sleeping. He just wants quiet and a little space to himself to gather his thoughts before he returns home and has to face his old life.

Kaoru feels a slowly rising sense of peace as the plane lifts off from the ground and ascends above the clouds, peace as he has not been able to feel it in longer than he cares to think about. It's almost as though all his cares, all his pains and memories and nightmares, have been left behind on the ground as he rises into the sky and away from them all. A calm washes over him and his mind is mercifully blank as he allows himself to absorb the simple beauty of the gentle blue sky and soft white clouds.

All too soon, though, it has to end as the plane descends for landing, and the weight of anguish seems doubled for its temporary alleviation.

Kaoru remains silent on the drive back to their home, any attempts by his family to engage him in conversation completely ignored. He takes in all the familiar sights of the city he's grown up in, places he had thought he would never see again. The worst, though, is his own home, with its long driveway lined in oak trees and the ornate, glistening walls of the mansion. He pauses only momentarily before following his parents inside, letting Hikaru lead him up to their old room. He doesn't feel like he belongs here anymore, in this beautiful place.

Hikaru deposits him on the edge of their bed, hastily returning Kaoru's pillows to their proper side with some embarrassment. Then an awkward silence rises up between them—something neither one is used to—as they wonder what to do now. Hikaru recovers first, asking "Are you hungry? It's around lunchtime. I could have the cooks whip up some sandwiches or something…"

"No," Kaoru replies simply. He knows he probably should be, but truthfully he hasn't really felt hungry in almost two weeks now.

"How about some soup, then? Or stew? You always like beef stew."

"No."

"Pancakes? We have lots of maple syrup—"

"Hikaru. I'm not hungry."

Hikaru looks a bit admonished, fidgeting with his hands as he glances around the room for some sort of distraction. "Um. Oh, I'll go see where Mom put the bag with your painkillers and bandages and bring it up for you," he offers a little too brightly before dashing out of the room.

Kaoru can only watch him leave with a sudden pang of loss in his chest.

oOo

Kaoru had known he was being foolishly optimistic when he had thought that maybe returning home would make it possible for him to put the memories of the past two weeks behind him. Instead, the familiar comforts only seem to emphasize how much everything has changed for him, how different he is now. He feels a world away from the mischievous, twisted boy who would play pranks on the maids with his brother when they got bored of video games.

Twisted? They hadn't known the meaning of the word.

His family only wants to help, he knows, but he finds their constant hovering wearisome. He's not used to his parents being home for so long, especially both of them at the same time, and their continued presence only serves to reinforce the feeling of wrongness. He wishes they would just go back to work already and stop looking at him with those anxious eyes that wonder when he will get better.

He wants to tell them that maybe he'll never get better, not ever. He's not sick; he's broken and sometimes there's just no coming back from that. It's been days since he was rescued from that pit, and he still feels as though he might wake up from this dream at any moment and be back there again, with the man carving his twisted desires into his flesh. When he does manage to sleep, that's all he sees, and he wakes screaming and crying. He can still feel the man's hands all over his body and he doesn't think he'll ever be able to get rid of the sensation, no matter how many scalding hot showers he takes where he scrubs his skin raw.

He's even taken to sleeping in one of the many guest rooms—he feels a little bit guilty when he remembers Hikaru's hurt face, but there's simply no way he'll ever be able to share a bed again. The feeling of a body against his in his sleep only compounds the nightmares, and Hikaru's assurances when he wakes that it's okay now just serve to make the tears fall harder. It's not okay. Certainly not yet, and maybe not ever.

He feels like a stranger in his own home, a wraith of some past life that he can't go back to no matter how hard he wishes. He doesn't feel like he belongs with his family anymore, those untouched beings who don't understand what true darkness is. They'll never understand. And while Kaoru is grateful for that, it only serves to make him feel lonelier.

Not for the first time, he wishes with all his being, with all that's left of him, that none of this had ever happened. If that's not possible, then he wishes that at least he had died in that room.

oOoOo

TBC. Please review!


	8. Chapter 7

_With a sigh, you turn away_

_With a deepening heart, no more words to say_

_You will find that the world has changed_

_Forever_

(Arwen's Song, Fran Walsh)

The German philosopher mentioned in this chapter is Friedrich Nietzche.

Oh, did I mention that this is the **last chapter**? If you get confused at all toward the end, go back and reread the prologue. That should help clear it up, but if you still have questions, please feel free to leave a review and ask. Or just leave a review to tell me what you think. Feedback is very much appreciated. :3

**Hour by Hour**

**Chapter 7**

Hikaru wakes bleary-eyed and heavy-hearted to another day where he has to watch his brother suffer, impotent to help. The last tendrils of his nightmare are slow to fade and he works to compose himself, struggling to banish the man's face from his mind, before he heads down to the kitchen to see about bringing up some breakfast for Kaoru. The younger boy hasn't been eating very much lately, but Hikaru is relatively confident that he can get him to have at least some toast and a bowl of their favorite cereal.

He balances the tray on his hip to open the door to Kaoru's new room, a little surprised to see that the private doctor (a woman much like Doctor Hinako that they'd hired special from the Ootori group, as their usual family doctor is a man) is already there. He must have overslept a bit this morning. He's never seen Kaoru's bandages being changed, as Doctor Hinako had always sent him from the room, and is curious to watch so that maybe he can learn to do it himself and they wouldn't need the doctor anymore.

Kaoru doesn't seem to register his presence at all, completely zoned out as he stares at the wall to his left. Hikaru comes up to stand off to the doctor's side just as she's removing the old coverings on Kaoru's chest to make sure the wounds are healing properly before replacing the used bandages with new ones. As the dressings fall away, Hikaru feels his face go numb in shock and he suddenly realizes why Kaoru has removed himself from the situation.

Angry, jagged red lines form crude letters that sprawl across his entire chest. Even days old, they still look extremely painful, at one time probably rather deep. These would be the lacerations that Doctor Hinako had told them about, the ones that had become infected, but she hadn't told them that they were letters. The tray of food that he's forgotten he's holding slips from his slack fingers, landing with a cacophonous clatter and startling Kaoru back into the present.

"Is that…Is that his name? Did he carve his _name_ into you?"

Kaoru just presses his lips into a thin line and Hikaru suddenly feels sick. He flees the room, barely making it to the bathroom down the hall in time to vomit into the toilet. He had thought he knew everything that happened, but this… Those cuts will definitely scar, horribly. With such a glaring physical reminder carved into his very skin, there's no way that Kaoru will ever be able to forget and move on.

He cradles his head in his hands, trying uselessly to control his tears as he again wonders what kind of monster could do this to his brother.

oOoOo

Kaoru doesn't feel very inclined to do the muscle-rebuilding exercises the doctor has prescribed him, as the simple necessity of having to do them in the first place only serves to remind him of the reason he needs to do them. He knows it's probably not very good reasoning, but it doesn't really matter since he doesn't often leave his room anyway. The house is too big and seeing the male servants scares him more than it should and he always jumps in fright at unexpected sounds or movements. It feels much safer in his room up on the third floor where someone can enter only from the door, which he can keep a close watch on.

Hikaru's smiles are a little more plastic around him after the incident with the bandages, and he knows his twin must be disgusted with him. Kaoru can't blame him, really, as he feels the same way. He's been marked for life and he's tainted and dirty and not worth all the care that everyone has been showing for him.

It's a few days after he's returned home that Hikaru casually lets him know that the Host Club would love to come see him whenever he's feeling up to it. Kaoru supposes he should have seen it coming; he's surprised that they waited this long, probably in some attempt to let him settle back into his normal life. Since that won't ever happen, he doesn't see the point in putting them off and tells Hikaru that they can come by whenever they please. His face lights up at the news, almost prompting a fond smile from Kaoru, and he rushes off to go call Tamaki right away.

The remaining five members of the Host Club drop by that very afternoon and Hikaru comes upstairs to ask him if he'd rather visit them in the parlor or have them come to his room. The thought of having so many people in his private space with no place to escape to lets him decide instantly that he'd prefer visiting them in the parlor. He descends the stairs carefully with Hikaru hovering by his side, ready to catch him should his legs suddenly decide to give out on him and send him sprawling down the staircase. They're just about to round the corner into the parlor when Tamaki's presidential voice floats out to them, evidently lecturing the other members.

"Remember, we're here to make him feel better and provide a distraction from his troubles, so there is to be absolutely no mention of the words 'kidnapping,' 'missing,' 'hospital,' or even 'Ouran' and 'school,' got it?"

Hikaru immediately casts him an apprehensive glance, but Kaoru honestly isn't surprised. Same old Tono. He remembers Tamaki giving them a similar speech the first time they visited Haruhi's house, though that was a very different sort of occasion.

Hikaru clears his throat loudly to announce their presence as they enter, and Kaoru immediately feels five pairs of eyes focus on him. He chose to wear a long-sleeved shirt and pants for the visit so that as little of his bandages as possible would be showing, but he still finds himself tugging his sleeves down lower under the intense scrutiny.

Tamaki looks like he can't decide whether to smile or cry, the same going for Honey, Haruhi looks down at her hands in what can only be discomfort, Kyouya's usual shrewd expression is replaced by well-hidden concern, and even Mori's stoic face is a little sadder than usual. Kaoru already wishes that they would be their normal selves.

"Hey, everyone. How's it going?" he asks as casually as possible, taking a seat in an overstuffed armchair across from the sofa where they're all seated. Hikaru chooses to remain standing by his side, in a rather obvious show of overprotectiveness, Kaoru thinks.

Tamaki rushes to assure him that everything's been just fine with them, and Kaoru can see the moment when he almost bites his tongue off before he can ask how the younger twin has been doing. A rather awkward silence arises after the near-stumble, as no one seems sure about how to proceed. Kaoru decides to kill it before it can drag on too long by addressing Kyouya.

"Senpai, I heard that you leant your police force rather extensively for the search while I was missing. Thank you."

Surprise flickers briefly through Kyouya's dark eyes at having the forbidden topic broached so soon, but he recovers himself gracefully. "It was no trouble. Anything to help a friend in need." There's not even a trace of his usual cold calculations and Kaoru finds himself almost touched.

Apparently deciding that if Kaoru can talk about it, then the subject is no longer off-limits, Honey suddenly bursts out, "Waaah! Kao-chan, we missed you so much! We were so afraid that we would never see you again and then Hika-chan would go on being so sad~!"

Tamaki looks like he's about to have an aneurysm, Hikaru tenses beside him, Haruhi casts him a furtive look, and Mori lays a warning hand on the small blond's shoulder. Kaoru just offers a bland smile, more a twisting of his lips. "Well, Honey-senpai, I'm back now." A collective sigh of relief is silently released at his reply.

After that, the talk swiftly changes to safer topics, Tamaki carrying most of the conversation as he relates amusing anecdotes of silly things his dog did or his housekeeper Shima said to him. Everyone laughs a little too loudly but can't seem to think of very much to say for themselves. Kaoru knows that his friends are here because they care about him and they're just trying to make him feel better, but he feels like they're wasting their time. At the end of the day, after they all go home and back to their perfect, undamaged lives, nothing will have changed for him.

Finally, after nearly an hour of carrying on this way, Kyouya hints none-too-subtly (because this is the only way that Tamaki will catch it) that Kaoru has had enough for one day and it's time for them all to go. Honey and Mori say their goodbyes as they file past, the smaller boy with a poorly-concealed sniffle, and Kyouya follows suit. Haruhi visibly hesitates for a moment once the three are in the hallway, then suddenly bows deeply to Kaoru, addressing him formally.

"I'm very sorry for my part in what happened. I…I had no idea what it would lead to. If I could go back and change it, I would."

Kaoru feels a slight well of bitterness spring up in him at these words. But she can't change it, can she? None of them can. He smothers down that response and fumbles for a more proper one. "It's not your fault. You couldn't have known."

She follows after her senpai, not looking very much relieved. And then it's just Tamaki left, his amethyst eyes large and teary. A split second before it happens, Kaoru realizes that the blond has been holding it in this whole time, but then suddenly Tamaki is hugging him tightly and all rational thought flees.

The older boy is spouting some emotional drivel, Hikaru is yelling and trying to pry him off, and Kaoru hears none of it. He can only feel the arms wrapped tightly around him, holding him down on the bed, his hands tied immovable, the man's breath hot on his face as he moans—

Suddenly Tamaki releases him and Kaoru stumbles away, clutching at the wall for support as he gulps air in ragged gasps. He takes one look at their expressions, both watching him motionlessly with wide eyes, and flees the room.

He doesn't make it very far, sliding down against the wall right outside the parlor and berating himself for losing control like that. Now Tamaki will definitely know something is wrong with him and Hikaru will be even more concerned. He idly wonders exactly how much his brother told the Host Club about what happened to him. Or Kyouya is sneaky enough to have found out everything through the hospital's records and he might have told Tamaki all about it…

Their quiet voices float out to him in the hall as Tamaki apologizes, distressed. "Hikaru, I'm so sorry. I—I didn't mean to—"

He hears Hikaru sigh deeply. "No…It's all right."

He doesn't say anything more and after a moment Tamaki hesitantly asks, "Is he…okay?"

A long minute passes and Kaoru barely hears his brother's whispered reply. "No." There's a soft sniffle. "I don't know what to do, Tono. I can see that he's in so much pain, but there's nothing I can do to help him. That monster just completely destroyed him and I don't know if he'll ever be the same again."

Kaoru feels a calm sort of hopelessness descend on him as he picks himself up and heads back to his room. So even his brother has given up on him.

Several minutes later, Hikaru knocks softly on his door and lets himself into the room. Kaoru can see the telltale traces of red eyes that hint at recent tears, though nobody but Hikaru's twin would have been able to notice. "Hey." He smiles gently. "That was nice to see everyone again, wasn't it?"

Yes, fantastic. Except for the part where everyone was uncomfortable and awkward and didn't know whether to cry or act like nothing was wrong. Oh, and the part where he freaked out on Tamaki. That was the best.

He doesn't answer, prompting Hikaru to go on. "Maybe they can come back for another visit soon. Would you like that?"

Kaoru sends him a bland look and Hikaru has the decency to look ashamed of himself for the childish question. He takes the opportunity to study his older brother. There are equal parts apprehension and sadness in his eyes—sadness for his little brother's sake—but the light of life still burns brightly and Kaoru knows that Hikaru would easily be able to return to his normal cheerful, devious self if not for his twin.

This is how he himself should have been, Kaoru thinks, if only things had gone differently. If Yoshimura had found him ten days sooner, if he hadn't sent Hikaru off with Haruhi, if he hadn't been alone, if the man had actually died in the fire that consumed his grandmother like everybody had thought. If he hadn't taken the wrong twin by mistake. Hikaru is still alive inside, his body whole and healthy, his mind unfractured, and Kaoru can't help but resent him for it a little.

oOoOo

Hikaru feels mildly better after his short talk with Tamaki. The older boy is familiar with loss and hardship, and for being an idiot, gives surprisingly good advice. The most important thing, he said, is to just give it time. Kaoru has only been back at home for a matter of days, so of course he couldn't be expected to already be recovered from such a traumatic experience. And while it's not true that time heals all wounds, time does at least dull the pain and make it bearable.

And then he went on to quote some German philosopher whose name Hikaru can't remember but whose wise words are etched into his brain. "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." Hikaru is determined to see his brother through this horrible ordeal, no matter how long it takes or how hard it may be. He'll stay by Kaoru through it all and they'll emerge on the other side stronger, together like they've always been.

oOoOo

Kaoru feels as though he is only growing worse with each passing day, instead of better as everyone expects him to. The nightmares have not been assuaged at all with the assurances that he's safe now and sometimes he thinks he can still feel the man's hands on his skin, hear him whisper in his ear. He can still smell the blood and the rot, still see the grisly stomach wound and his blank glassy black eyes.

He can feel the darkness in himself, darkness that the man planted there with his whispered words and foul body, roiling in his soul and slowly overcoming him night by night as he relives each touch, each push, each piece of himself breaking. What hope does the light of normalcy have against that?

Hikaru looks markedly more cheerful over the next few days and seems bent on making Kaoru feel the same, evidently convinced that if they just act happy for long enough, they might fool themselves into being so. Kaoru can't bring himself to dash his brother's hopes straight out, but frankly the notion is preposterous and only makes him more miserable in comparison.

He's actively avoided mirrors since his return, afraid of what he'll see reflected back at him, but now he's staring himself down in his locked bathroom, all his worst fears confirmed. A broken boy gazes back at him with dead eyes, face gaunt and skin pale, a mere shell of what he used to be. A corpse emulating life.

He forces his facial muscles to pull his lips up into a smile, but he can't remember how to do it quite right and it just comes out as a sort of twisted grimace. Well that certainly won't fool anyone into thinking he's all right, least of all himself.

The wreckage of a smile drops from his face and his eyes run down the rest of his body. They catch on the edge of a bandage peeping from his collar and something shifts inside him. He pulls his nightshirt off and throws it to the side, tearing away the sterile white dressings until they pile at his feet like broken feathers and he's left bare. This is the first time he's consciously chosen to look at the ruin made of his body, and he finds it unbearably ugly.

He traces over each uneven line, puckered and pink as they struggle to heal. He can feel once again the knife's blade slicing through him, cutting into him as he screamed and thrashed and begged him to stop. But he didn't. Kaoru's fists clench. The man didn't stop, not until it was too late, not until he'd already ruined him, scarred him forever, body and soul. There's no hope of recovery for him; the best he might be able to manage is a sort of half-life, his soul existing in nightmares only as his scarred body floats through life, an impostor in the living world.

That night, he dreams vividly of black eyes and bound hands and hot lips over his and Death's looming claw, reaching out to save him, interrupted. He wakes screaming and begging to die.

Hikaru bursts into the room, immediately finding his brother's trembling form in the bed and gathering him into his arms. He rocks Kaoru gently, simply holding him as he lets his little brother cry it out. When the sobs at last fade to just shaking and sniffing, Hikaru carefully runs his hand through soft auburn locks, soothing. "It's all right now. You're all right. It's all in the past. He can't hurt you anymore. You've made it through now and you'll be okay. You're so strong, so brave."

Kaoru certainly doesn't feel strong or brave. He feels like a modern day Sisyphus, doomed forever to labor with this inescapable weight. The only difference is that at least Sisyphus made some progress with his boulder before it went rolling back downhill. Kaoru feels as if he's still stuck at the bottom, unable even to budge his burden.

"You've been so brave through all of this," Hikaru continues. "But you don't have to do it alone, okay? I'm here for you. I'm your brother, and I don't care how scarred you are or how long it takes you to get better. You're my most important person, and if it takes forever, then I'll always be right by your side, waiting with you. I love you, Kaoru."

Kaoru loves him too, which is why he knows that Hikaru deserves better than to wait on something that will never happen. Kaoru will never get better, and he won't let Hikaru waste his life like that. And suddenly, everything

_(click)_

_(click)_

falls into place.

His eyes are dry, his mind is clear, and his heart is calm for the first time in too long. The solution is obvious to him now, and he's finally at peace.

oOo

Kaoru stands at the window as he watches the early morning light begin to peek over the treetops. He's avoided sunrises since his rescue, as they used to only represent one more new day filled with pain, but today, this sunrise, is different. It marks the end of his suffering and he basks in the dim golden glow. A different sort of new beginnings.

He sent Hikaru back to his own bedroom at some point last night after his revelation, needing time to put his thoughts in order. Now, he watches his brother in the window's reflection as Hikaru enters his room again, surprise briefly coloring his face. "Kaoru, you're up. Are you…feeling better today?" he asks and Kaoru can hear the small bloom of hope in his voice.

He's made his brother worry for so long…

Kaoru can feel his lips pulling up into a pantomime of his old smile, not twisted or forced like before, as he turns to face Hikaru. "Yes, I'm feeling much better now." He sees as Hikaru's eyes flick briefly over the bandages he's still wearing—not that most of his wounds need them anymore. But he won't have the sight of them ruining this day.

Hikaru smiles broadly, clearly relieved at his answer. "I'm glad. I was worried about you, you know. I still am, of course, but if you say you're doing better, then that's good."

Kaoru's heart gives a small twinge at the words but he quickly stifles it, his smile unchanged. "I was thinking that we could spend the day together, just the two of us. You and me against everyone else, just like how it used to be." He watches as Hikaru considers his proposal, sees the moment when he tosses the rest of the world aside for his little brother.

Hikaru steps up beside him, carefully taking his hand as his smile softens. "Yeah. I'd like that very much." Kaoru smiles back.

They spend the entire day together, just strolling through the garden or lying on one of the chaise lounges in the living room, limbs entwined as they talk, just as it used to be. Everything seems almost normal again, as if the nightmare of the past weeks never happened. It's a good day, Kaoru thinks.

When it's nearly time for bed, Kaoru offers to fetch some warm tea from the kitchen to help them sleep. He pours himself a cup and then drops a couple of pills into the pot before carrying the tray upstairs to their old room—now just Hikaru's. They sip their tea for several minutes, conversing easily about mundane things, until Hikaru's eyelids start growing heavy. He yawns widely and Kaoru sets aside his cup as he watches him with calm eyes.

"I'm getting pretty sleepy," Hikaru states obviously. "Must be bedtime already. Shame. I was really enjoying the day with you. Was nice. Nice to see you better."

Kaoru takes the empty cup from his brother's hands, setting it on the nightstand beside their old bed as he pulls back the covers and tucks him in. "I had a good day with you too. I'm glad for it. Now go to sleep."

"Mmkay. Goodnight, Kaoru. Love you." His eyes are already closed and his breathing deep and even almost before he can get the words out.

Kaoru leans down to softly kiss his forehead, running a hand through soft auburn hair for a moment. "Goodnight, Hikaru. I love you too."

oOoOo

In the morning, Hikaru wakes late, still feeling drowsy and a bit fuzzy. Memories of the previous day flood his brain, and he smiles broadly, happily basking in renewed hope. Kaoru had seemed so much better yesterday, almost back to normal. Hikaru doesn't know what brought about the sudden change, but surely this can only mean that things will get better from here on.

He stumbles out of his room to Kaoru's further down the hall, not bothering to knock as he pushes the door open. He glances around for his brother, but he's nowhere in sight, which leaves only the adjoining bathroom. An odd sense of trepidation seeps into him as he heads over to the closed door, but he pushes it away. The knob is unlocked, and something is

_(drip)_

_(drip)_

dripping. He's frozen on the threshold, one hand still on the open door, as his eyes take in what his brain cannot process. There's an empty orange pill canister on the floor, a tub full of cold water, and Kaoru's closed eyes.

On the desk in the bedroom lies a single sheet of blotted paper, on it written only two words.

_(I'm sorry.)_


	9. Epilogue

The poet mentioned is Emily Dickinson. (My favoriiite!)

Thanks to everybody who has chosen to read to the end of this, my longest story to date. I'm honored. Thank you especially to everyone who reviewed and faved. I love you all! Now please enjoy this last installment of Hour by Hour.

**Hour by Hour**

**Epilogue**

Hikaru sits beside his brother, and both are silent now. He knows all the words he wants to say, but none of them will come out quite right. He says them anyway.

"I wish I could say that I don't understand why you did it, because I think that would be a little less depressing. But the truth is that I do understand. I may not be able to really understand all the pain you were in, but I know you were hurting. That it became too much for you and you thought that this was the only way to end it all."

A few tears begin to trickle down his face. "I guess you didn't think like I did, that it would get better one day. That we could make it better, together. And I can't even bring myself to be angry with you about this, because the fact is that I didn't know. I didn't know what you were feeling, and I was only hoping that maybe one day you could move past it and really live again. I guess you knew better."

He takes a moment to wipe his tears away before he continues in a falsely steadier voice. "Tono is a wreck after all this. Kyouya-senpai had to shut down the club, probably for good. It's just as well, really; it would never be the same. Honey-senpai is pretty distraught, too, but at least he… he has Mori-senpai to be there for him. He'll be fine eventually. But Haruhi… You know she still blames herself for what happened, even though we both tried to tell her it wasn't her fault. But she still said that she's probably going to drop out and transfer schools at the end of term. None of us want her to go, but we won't try to convince her to stay, either. I can't blame her at all. I've asked Mom and Dad to take me out of school, too, and they hired some private tutors to teach me at home. I don't think I could ever handle going back to Ouran, with all of those memories. Everything's different now. We're all falling apart."

He gives a choked laugh. "This is what you were afraid of, way back then, wasn't it? I never even thought about it until now. But I guess that's just one of the ways that we're different from each other. You always were more perceptive, and you could see into the future so much farther than I could. Maybe that's why you gave up hope."

He idly picks at a loose thread on his pants, worrying it between his fingers as the silence stretches on. "Do you remember that kid Sugita Masuda from our class in middle school? Everything seemed so normal with him and his family, and then one day his older brother killed himself. You were so upset when you found out. You said that suicide is the most selfish thing that a person can do and that all it does is hurt everyone around you. You hated it. That's why I thought that you would never…" Hikaru trails off and his eyebrows draw down into a frown.

"But I guess that's not how they see it, is it? Sometimes it's not about everyone else, because it's all you can do just to keep yourself together. The pain you feel is too much and it's overwhelming and the only way to ever make it stop is just to kill yourself and end it all. I think I'm beginning to understand how someone could feel that way."

He watches idly as his tears drip off the end of his chin, splashing down onto his knees to be soaked into the fabric of his trousers in dark spots. Soon enough they'll be gone, disappeared without a trace left of them.

"I remember how you used to love reading me stories from Greek mythology, years ago when it was just the two of us and we were bored between classes or at home. Sometimes I would be playing a video game and not really listening, but I still remember a few of them. One of the stories that always stood out to me was that of Tantalus. Punished by the gods, what he desired most was always within sight but never within his reach.

"I'm beginning to understand how that feels, too. Every time I see my face in the mirror, it's you I see. You looking back at me, you reaching for me—but then my fingers touch the glass and I remember. Then your face looks unbearably sad and I can't stand it. Your face shouldn't look so sad. I've already broken two of the mirrors in the house. Mom had the servants cover all the rest of them, but it's not enough. I'll always have your face.

"And it's not just me, either. Other people look at me and they only see you. Mom, Dad—they see me and they can only think of you, in so much pain as you were. Some days Mom can't even look at me without bursting into tears. And the rest of our friends in the Host Club are the same way. They see my face and they remember how we were together. How we won't be again. And it hurts.

"I hope you don't get mad at me for saying this, but I've never hated being a twin before like I do now. And yet, if I could go back and change being your twin, I wouldn't trade any of our time together for the world. A whole lifetime of being by your side and it will never be enough."

The wind brushes the treetops, the sun shines brightly down, and the world spins on.

"It will never be enough," he repeats softly to himself. "The one thing I don't think I'll ever be able to understand is why any of this happened. You never did anything to deserve something like this. No one does, but you especially were always so kind, so considerate of others, always putting what you wanted last.

"If anyone deserved this, it should have been me. I've always been the meaner twin, everyone knows it. I'm selfish and inconsiderate and…and I never really appreciated you for what you were, for what I had in you. I guess it's true what the poets say, 'Perception of an object costs precise the object's loss.' It's pretty stupid how it has to be that way. If I could have you back now, back to the way we used to be—even before we met Tono and the rest of the Host Club and it was just the two of us shut up in our little world… If I could have that back now, I would take it in both hands and never let go and never change anything. So long as I had you, I could have been happy forever.

"So why did you have to be taken from me?" He's sobbing now, clutching his head in his hands as the tears pour out freely. "Why did you have to leave me, Kaoru? I don't want to be alone. I don't know how to be alone. I can't live without you. Please, please! You can't leave me here all alone. Why, Kaoru? Why?"

But the cold white marble offers no reply.

oOoOo

The End.

oOoOo

Okay, long but very necessary author's note. First of all, I would like to make it clear that I do not condone the thoughts and actions of some of the characters in this story. I think that rape is one of the worst things that a human being can do to another person. (I think I made that pretty clear in context.) It is solely the fault of the sick person that chooses to perpetrate such an act and is NOT the fault of the victim _at all_. The victim does not become any less of a person, dirty or tainted or anything like that, because of something that happened to them beyond their control. If you or someone you know has been raped or sexually assaulted, please tell a friend, a relative, or the proper authorities. Do not let any threats or feelings of self-degradation stop you. The only one in the wrong is the person doing it, not the victim.

Secondly, I do not condone suicide. It is not the answer. I wrote this story with this ending only to show that sometimes bad things happen and they don't always get fixed and have a happy ending, and NOT because I wanted people to think that suicide is the only way out. Take it from someone who has personally struggled with suicidal thoughts for many years: it DOES get better. Your life is what you make of it. Even if you see no other way out now or you feel like you have nothing to live for, just give yourself a chance. Once you're dead, it's all over and you'll never know how good and happy life could have been. If you're having suicidal thoughts, please PLEASE talk to someone about it. If you don't have anybody to talk to, I would be more than willing to talk with you about it. I've been there too, and it's a dark place, but just know that you're not alone. Even if you feel like you don't have anyone else, I love you and I think you're beautiful. Just hang in there. It will get better.

But that's all for this story. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Thanks for reading!


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